Reply to I think my marriage may be over

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why do you think there is some mystical “connection” that is possible that your relationship is lacking?

That sounds….like you are romanticizing some fantasy of what love/connection is rather than what it really is.

A real connection is forged over time and sticking with someone through thick and thin and growing and maturing with them emotionally.

I worry that what you see as “honest conversations” is really just you telling your husband that you don’t love him and you are not connected to him and blah blah blah when really the *truth* is you have some family of origin experiences that have left you with an avoidant attachment style….That you do in fact love him dearly but you cannot admit it to yourself or him. Because that would mean being vulnerable to him leaving you or abandoning you or admitting that you are a weak and dependent in some way.

If that is the case, guess what, you are not going to be able to find a “real connection” with anyone because the problem is that you actively avoid it, despite professing to long for it. This is very common and I have this problem myself.

I often feel like I lack connections to others but this lies more within me and kind of an existential loneliness I often feel rather acutely. You cannot look at any other person for a solution to that, the solution is something you have to work out for yourself inside.

There’s also the question of whether you are really seeing your spouse for who your spouse is or whether you’ve essentially created a false vision of them in your mind. This idea of a “pretend” marriage makes me feel like you feel depersonalized and separate from your own emotional life.

It seems to me you have a lot of work to do in therapy and if you’re formulation of this problem is that you and your spouse just aren’t “connecting” for some bizarre reason and that you would be happier without him… Well I am skeptical. 
[/quote]

I'm a marriage therapist and this advice is spot on and exactly what I would say to a client. OP you need individual therapy. [/quote]

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