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[quote=Anonymous]Op here - some therapist have thought it was bipolar others have not.  I think it is but my opinion doesn’t really matter and his therapist said wouldn’t necessarily change treatment.  To me clearly his meds aren’t working well so his meds treatment should change but I obviously have no say in meds

I hate living with the constant fear that one of this times he will kill himself.  I don’t think he will but don’t know for sure and he makes passive suicide comments like “I wish I was dead”.  I hate wondering if he’s up late because he’s working or because he’s spiraling and taken a bunch of Xanax and may decide to order alcohol (we don’t keep it in the house).  I hate that if we separate either the kids would have basically no relationship with him or they’d be stuck dealing with him on their own - at least now they have a relationship that is generally positive if confusing and unpredictable (they are used to him disappearing for days and say nothing about it, it’s just the norm for them).  I hate feeling like I’m enabling him to avoid treatment and also that trying to force treatment could end in so many bad outcomes (divorce with one of the bad outcomes for kid, suicide).  And my heart breaks for him to have to live this way [/quote]

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