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Infants, Toddlers, & Preschoolers
Reply to "Family camping trip is making me question all my parenting choices"
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[quote=Anonymous]Hey! So I have a similar child. Note that my kids go through stages and it's like switches flip, so maybe the camping unlocked a new, unfortunately more difficult stage and you have to power through it and it's not 100% you. Now, in my case: the meltdowns happen mostly when hungry or tired or bored; in fact, unwarranted crankiness is often a first sign of needing to feed right away. Ensure that she eats enough and often enough. Boredom: are you letting her alone a lot and expecting her to amuse herself without her usual infrastructure (screens, toys, friends)? Can you enlist other family members to include her so it's not 100% on you -- wash dishes, read to her, show her how to be around the campfire safely, have her help gather sticks for firewood, teach her to recognize wild raspberries, roughhouse with her (a great job for late teen/early 20s make cousins btw)? Mine starts misbehaving when she's bored and even screens have limited effect. Focused time doing something she likes (which might be different from what other kids like - e.g. if they're more bookish and independent) can also do wonders. Can you set her up with activities she can sit and do - water table, cutting piecea of paper, coloring? For the rigidity and tantrums: I accommodate some things and gamify others, but some fights I fight, especially if I can't fix them anyway (e.g. like with the underwear that was left behind). I don't specially wash an outfit or run through the dryer; it line dries or waits til laundry, and after a few tantrums she knows. I don't allow certain outfits outside the house (e.g. leotards) and we have to change into pants or casual dresses for some things (e.g. bike riding). If I think shoes or a jacket need to stay on, I chase her down and put it on every single tile and threaten a time out if she keeps taking them off, first 10 seconds, then 1 min, then 3, etc. Eventually she stops fighting. For things that seem to be more anxiety-driven, I use pretend and placebo effect as much as possible. E.g. if her shoes are uncomfortable but I can't see why, I might take them off, put them on, and ask if it's fixed, and often it is. She sometimes gets upset if water gets on her outfit - like, a tiny bit (even though she loves baths and swimming). Then I give her a towel and have her "dry herself" and it's usually enough. I reinforce that screaming and yelling is not ok (especially since it wakes up baby sibling!!), and practice 1-2-3-4-5 timeouts. I have a pretty high tolerance for yelling, so I can power through misbehavior, tantrums, etc. For a long time if there aren't frantic adults either scolding or trying to placate the yelling child or give too much attention. But I learned to ignore others' discomfort with the yelling and assert my parenting authority while waiting out tantrums in public.... But it's not easy. Anyways sorry for the wall of text, and I don't know about diagnoses, but good luck! [/quote]
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