Reply to DS22's girlfriend is over ALL. THE. TIME.

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Reply to "DS22's girlfriend is over ALL. THE. TIME."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
OP -  Getting change going without your DH being on the same page is going to be difficult.  Maybe you should find a counselor who could have a couple of sessions with you both so that you can explain to your husband how you are feeling and how the current lifestyle is only enabling your oldest son and preventing him from continuing to gain independence and a life of his own.  You both could benefit from strategies in how to reshape "home life."   On the girl friend, DS needs to be told clearly what the rules for having her over are, and that if he wants to spend more time together, they can do so out of the house or over at her house.  He obviously can work enough to cover expenses which are important to him, but you realize that he is not bothering to extend his work hours to cover typical "dating or socializing" costs as your home is at no cost.  Being on the spectrum is no excuse for his rude behavior in not following your house rules.  [/quote]

All of this--you and DH need to be on the same page, and you are definitely enabling him/stunting his development. He is making choices about work/etc because he can.
BTW is the "on the spectrum" an official diagnosis or just your assessment? If it's an official diagnosis and he's had other interventions, then you can and should frame this discussion as part of his development.  Given their ages and the fact that they are just now finishing college (one more year to go?), I'm guessing that covid isolation set any developmental progress back, so you might have to make a long-term strategy (ie, what is the last year of college going to be like so that he and she can both "launch"?)[/quote]

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