Reply to Husband Goes On Strike Everytime We Fight

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The day I quit arguing with my husband was the day serenity and togetherness made our marriage stronger. 
 [/quote]

So when he's wrong or pisses you off you just sit there?[/quote]

I try to interpret it in a different way.  [b]For example, he gets angry when he gets home from work and the house is messy or dinner isn’t made (I work overnights, so I’m home during the day).[/b]  He doesn’t yell, but I can tell that he’s pissed.  
Instead of saying something about how he shouldn’t be angry with me, that I work too, I just focus on the fact that he KNOWS that he shouldn’t be mad.  He is trying to hide it and let it go.

So, I appreciate his effort.  He gets some time to get over it.  I don’t have to be an anxious people pleaser.  He doesn’t have to be an angry jerk.  And instead of spending the evening arguing about whether HE started the fight by acting annoyed or I started the fight by saying something about it, we just order dinner,drink some iced tea, and do the crossword on the porch.

Whatever you think about this, I can tell you which one is more pleasant for the kids.  [/quote]

Please wake up and realize: He seems to think you do not need to sleep at all. You work overnights but are supposed to spend days cleaning the house and having dinner on the table for him when HE gets home? When are you supposed to sleep, PP?

You are wonderfully mellow and forgiving but honestly, you and your DH need to sit down on a weekend (please...tell me you don't work weekends too?) and come up with a plan where meals are cooked on weekends in advance and used through the week, plan in some takeout nights, and both of you do a weekend pickup around the house. No spouse should be coming home from day job and feeling pi$$3d --even if they're hiding it -- at the thought that that the other spouse with a night job didn't have hot dinner ready and hadn't picked up the house.

If you know he's peeved, why dont' you ever say: "If this gets on your nerves, thank you for not commenting on it or criticizing. I don't love it either but I do have to work nights. Let's sit down this weekend, make a plan for the coming week's dinners and a cleanup routine, and make it happen as a team, so you don't have to feel silently peeved and I don't have to feel I'm not doing enough (when I already work nights)."

Be careful. He might be holding back because he's stewing and steaming in silence and is going to let it all out one day, which will be ugly. That's why, if you know he's silently pi$$ed at you, I'd bring it out in the open and say, we're going to make a team plan. That does not mean YOU do all the dinners and cleaning. It means you both do the work in advance so weekdays are easier.

Again..when are you supposed to sleep, have down time to yourself, do anything other than logistics with your kids if you have any?[/quote]

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