Reply to Husband Goes On Strike Everytime We Fight

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So each time we bicker or fight he completely checks out. Stops all help with the kids, housework, yard work, groceries, etc. If I bring it up, [b]he says- well, you wanted to be right so enjoy being right. You can do it all now.
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Drives me insane to the point of wanting a divorce. How do I fight back against this?[/quote]

This is a really cruel way to treat your partner. It's petty and retaliatory. A healthy person is helpful and kind as a matter of principle and character; it's not used as a carrot or a stick to manipulate others.

Definitely do not fight the petty with petty. That will get you nothing but covered in mud. I'd ignore his tantrums as much as possible and ask him to go to counseling. If he's unwilling, I'd think long and hard about the future of the marriage.

And try to see the big picture. He doesn't seem to have the emotional tools to deal with criticism or conflict. So he lashes out to punish you for making him feel that way. His subconscious goal is to teach you not to upset him so he doesn't have to deal with those feelings. But obviously the healthy goal should be for him to parent himself so he can react like an adult during conflict. Depending on your relationship when you're not bickering, you might be able to bring this up . . . Hey, it seems like when we fight, you withdraw and stop being part of the family. That's hurtful and feels unfair to me. I'm curious about what you're feeling that makes you react like this . . . you know I still love you even when we have a fight, right?

Of course if we're dealing with a personality disorder rather than someone who's emotionally immature then a gentle conversation probably won't help anything.

Good luck, OP. [/quote]

He's "lashing out"? LOL. He's just not doing chores for someone that treats him poorly.[/quote]

He's not doing chores "for" her, he's a parent and he lives in a house and he eats food and wears clothes and so he has responsibilities. The "you can't make me" attitude is like having another child around to take care of. [/quote]

Nope. If he doen't care about a messy house, a terrible yard or kids not doing anything other than watching TV then he is doing chores for her. Preumably she wnats the yard upkept and doesnt wnat to do all the driving to all teh sports/events. So maybe she should stop sucking unless she wnats to do it all.

And if they divorce? It will be the same. She'll do everything 50% of the time.

And the kids will hate her for causing their dad to move away.[/quote]

HAHAHAHA nice try looser. So he doesn't sleep in the same sheets as her, doesn't use the same bathroom, doesn't eat out the same dishes. GTFO with that childish talk. He just wants her to keep doing it for him. [/quote]

DP. My DH and I don't share a bed and neither do upwards of 20% of all couples. You sound unhinged. I bet youre divorced.[/quote]

I'm unhinged because I expect a person who lived in the same house with me to equality contribute to the upkeep of the house? Mmmmkaaayyyy the 50's are calling you back.[/quote]

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