Reply to “Your baby isn’t invited.”

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Reply to "“Your baby isn’t invited.”"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think it would be great if more of these events (baby showers, bridal showers, weddings, etc.) allowed kids. But I think what people are not understanding is that in cultures where kids get invited to everything, there is also a cultural expectation that people other than a child's mother will participate in minding the kids. And at an event like a baby shower, the expectation would be that there are people on hand to watch the kids, perhaps in another room or outside, white the guest of honor and hosts do their thing.

In the US, we have created this (incredibly unrealistic! misogynist! confining!) expectation that children are ONLY parented by their parents, and especially the mom. So everyone is envisioning a baby shower where it's just women, they all have kids, and they are all trying to do typical shower events while the kids are demanding to be fed and played with. That DOES sound stressful. Maybe one pre-mobile baby or two, but a bunch of toddlers or older kids? That would be really hard.

Imagine a baby shower where (1) the entire community is invited, including men and children, even older children, neighbors you're close to, etc., and (2) where the event itself is more expansive and everyone works together to celebrate the new parents, whether that means serving cake or keeping track of gifts or minding the kids pregnant.

Like think of how radical it would be if kids were there and the men present took charge of watching them to give the women a chance to talk with and celebrate the expecting mom, answering questions about pregnancy, childbirth, and the postpartum experience as appropriate. And then also time for the father-to-be to have the same experience. Aunts and grandmas and cousins and neighbors around to help as well.

You are all imagining kids at this event as being very burdensome to the women present, because we are stuck in this paradigm where if your kid is somewhere, you are 100% responsible for them at all times, and where communities don't operate in this interconnected way. So yes, in that set up, most moms are going to think "ugh, no, I'd rather leave the baby at home with a sitter or my spouse and then at least I don't have to stress."

It's honestly sad. No wonder parents are so stressed. There is no break. If you aren't watching your kids, you're paying someone to do it, and that's your entire life from the moment they are born until they are old enough to be left alone.[/quote]

And the attitude of “kids aren’t allowed here” directly correlates to this. Both because of it, and as a reason for it. “Adults should be able to adult, kid-free, for fun events!” is a bizarre mind frame to have if you are a member of a family. Kids are a part of our society not something to be ignored / pay someone to take away so you can live your “real” life on the weekends. It’s so, so, SO weird. The baby shower you describe is how my family functions and I don’t think it’s that unusual in the vast majority of the country. [/quote]

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