Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[list]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a two year old son. In the last two years I’ve been to several baby showers, and all of them have been child free events. Two of them said that they’d rather no babies because it wouldn’t be as fun for their mothers (lol, like watching the mother-to-be unwrap gifts and guessing how big her belly is with a ribbon is tremendous fun). The third specifically said that children are not invited. I wasn’t planning to bring my son (the shower falls during nap time) so I’m not offended, but I think this is strange! Am I wrong? Aren’t baby showers typically baby friendly?

Your two year old isn't a baby. A baby is different than a 2 year old toddler. No, they aren't always baby friendly and you have a toddler, not a baby.

I said that I’ve been to several in the last two years since he was born. I didn’t think I had to say both baby and toddler in the title for you to understand.

For those saying the hosts are probably tired of having children around, they were all hosted by the future grandmother. They don’t have small children and haven’t in decades.

Again, I didn’t plan on bringing my kid, but I think it’s very weird to celebrate a baby’s impending birth by banning other babies from attendance. A shower, which we all know is just a gift grab, really isn’t worth a sitter.

Then don't go.

You sound really self centered by the way.

Why self centered? I have no plan to bring my kid, I just think it’s bizarre to expect people to come to a party to celebrate a future baby and get sitters for their own. I hope those mothers don’t anticipate their children will be welcome at any of their friends’ parties anytime soon.

Like most people I know, I go because I have to. Does anyone enjoy baby showers? I truly can’t imagine why any adult would want to play the ridiculous shower games and watch presents be opened for an hour and a half.

Anonymous wrote:No. Baby showers and events that take place before the baby is born are an adult gathering to celebrate the pending baby. They are not a childcare or child playdate.

Events like sip & sees or meet the new baby that occur after the baby are born are more likely to be child-friendly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it would be great if more of these events (baby showers, bridal showers, weddings, etc.) allowed kids. But I think what people are not understanding is that in cultures where kids get invited to everything, there is also a cultural expectation that people other than a child's mother will participate in minding the kids. And at an event like a baby shower, the expectation would be that there are people on hand to watch the kids, perhaps in another room or outside, white the guest of honor and hosts do their thing.

In the US, we have created this (incredibly unrealistic! misogynist! confining!) expectation that children are ONLY parented by their parents, and especially the mom. So everyone is envisioning a baby shower where it's just women, they all have kids, and they are all trying to do typical shower events while the kids are demanding to be fed and played with. That DOES sound stressful. Maybe one pre-mobile baby or two, but a bunch of toddlers or older kids? That would be really hard.

Imagine a baby shower where (1) the entire community is invited, including men and children, even older children, neighbors you're close to, etc., and (2) where the event itself is more expansive and everyone works together to celebrate the new parents, whether that means serving cake or keeping track of gifts or minding the kids pregnant.

Like think of how radical it would be if kids were there and the men present took charge of watching them to give the women a chance to talk with and celebrate the expecting mom, answering questions about pregnancy, childbirth, and the postpartum experience as appropriate. And then also time for the father-to-be to have the same experience. Aunts and grandmas and cousins and neighbors around to help as well.

You are all imagining kids at this event as being very burdensome to the women present, because we are stuck in this paradigm where if your kid is somewhere, you are 100% responsible for them at all times, and where communities don't operate in this interconnected way. So yes, in that set up, most moms are going to think "ugh, no, I'd rather leave the baby at home with a sitter or my spouse and then at least I don't have to stress."

It's honestly sad. No wonder parents are so stressed. There is no break. If you aren't watching your kids, you're paying someone to do it, and that's your entire life from the moment they are born until they are old enough to be left alone.

And the attitude of “kids aren’t allowed here” directly correlates to this. Both because of it, and as a reason for it. “Adults should be able to adult, kid-free, for fun events!” is a bizarre mind frame to have if you are a member of a family. Kids are a part of our society not something to be ignored / pay someone to take away so you can live your “real” life on the weekends. It’s so, so, SO weird. The baby shower you describe is how my family functions and I don’t think it’s that unusual in the vast majority of the country.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it would be great if more of these events (baby showers, bridal showers, weddings, etc.) allowed kids. But I think what people are not understanding is that in cultures where kids get invited to everything, there is also a cultural expectation that people other than a child's mother will participate in minding the kids. And at an event like a baby shower, the expectation would be that there are people on hand to watch the kids, perhaps in another room or outside, white the guest of honor and hosts do their thing.

In the US, we have created this (incredibly unrealistic! misogynist! confining!) expectation that children are ONLY parented by their parents, and especially the mom. So everyone is envisioning a baby shower where it's just women, they all have kids, and they are all trying to do typical shower events while the kids are demanding to be fed and played with. That DOES sound stressful. Maybe one pre-mobile baby or two, but a bunch of toddlers or older kids? That would be really hard.

Imagine a baby shower where (1) the entire community is invited, including men and children, even older children, neighbors you're close to, etc., and (2) where the event itself is more expansive and everyone works together to celebrate the new parents, whether that means serving cake or keeping track of gifts or minding the kids pregnant.

Like think of how radical it would be if kids were there and the men present took charge of watching them to give the women a chance to talk with and celebrate the expecting mom, answering questions about pregnancy, childbirth, and the postpartum experience as appropriate. And then also time for the father-to-be to have the same experience. Aunts and grandmas and cousins and neighbors around to help as well.

You are all imagining kids at this event as being very burdensome to the women present, because we are stuck in this paradigm where if your kid is somewhere, you are 100% responsible for them at all times, and where communities don't operate in this interconnected way. So yes, in that set up, most moms are going to think "ugh, no, I'd rather leave the baby at home with a sitter or my spouse and then at least I don't have to stress."

It's honestly sad. No wonder parents are so stressed. There is no break. If you aren't watching your kids, you're paying someone to do it, and that's your entire life from the moment they are born until they are old enough to be left alone.

And the attitude of “kids aren’t allowed here” directly correlates to this. Both because of it, and as a reason for it. “Adults should be able to adult, kid-free, for fun events!” is a bizarre mind frame to have if you are a member of a family. Kids are a part of our society not something to be ignored / pay someone to take away so you can live your “real” life on the weekends. It’s so, so, SO weird. The baby shower you describe is how my family functions and I don’t think it’s that unusual in the vast majority of the country.

Anonymous wrote:Women and moms deserve a break from their kids and have a kid free event.

Anonymous wrote:I think it would be great if more of these events (baby showers, bridal showers, weddings, etc.) allowed kids. But I think what people are not understanding is that in cultures where kids get invited to everything, there is also a cultural expectation that people other than a child's mother will participate in minding the kids. And at an event like a baby shower, the expectation would be that there are people on hand to watch the kids, perhaps in another room or outside, white the guest of honor and hosts do their thing.

In the US, we have created this (incredibly unrealistic! misogynist! confining!) expectation that children are ONLY parented by their parents, and especially the mom. So everyone is envisioning a baby shower where it's just women, they all have kids, and they are all trying to do typical shower events while the kids are demanding to be fed and played with. That DOES sound stressful. Maybe one pre-mobile baby or two, but a bunch of toddlers or older kids? That would be really hard.

Imagine a baby shower where (1) the entire community is invited, including men and children, even older children, neighbors you're close to, etc., and (2) where the event itself is more expansive and everyone works together to celebrate the new parents, whether that means serving cake or keeping track of gifts or minding the kids pregnant.

Like think of how radical it would be if kids were there and the men present took charge of watching them to give the women a chance to talk with and celebrate the expecting mom, answering questions about pregnancy, childbirth, and the postpartum experience as appropriate. And then also time for the father-to-be to have the same experience. Aunts and grandmas and cousins and neighbors around to help as well.

You are all imagining kids at this event as being very burdensome to the women present, because we are stuck in this paradigm where if your kid is somewhere, you are 100% responsible for them at all times, and where communities don't operate in this interconnected way. So yes, in that set up, most moms are going to think "ugh, no, I'd rather leave the baby at home with a sitter or my spouse and then at least I don't have to stress."

It's honestly sad. No wonder parents are so stressed. There is no break. If you aren't watching your kids, you're paying someone to do it, and that's your entire life from the moment they are born until they are old enough to be left alone.

Anonymous wrote:I think it would be great if more of these events (baby showers, bridal showers, weddings, etc.) allowed kids. But I think what people are not understanding is that in cultures where kids get invited to everything, there is also a cultural expectation that people other than a child's mother will participate in minding the kids. And at an event like a baby shower, the expectation would be that there are people on hand to watch the kids, perhaps in another room or outside, white the guest of honor and hosts do their thing.

In the US, we have created this (incredibly unrealistic! misogynist! confining!) expectation that children are ONLY parented by their parents, and especially the mom. So everyone is envisioning a baby shower where it's just women, they all have kids, and they are all trying to do typical shower events while the kids are demanding to be fed and played with. That DOES sound stressful. Maybe one pre-mobile baby or two, but a bunch of toddlers or older kids? That would be really hard.

Imagine a baby shower where (1) the entire community is invited, including men and children, even older children, neighbors you're close to, etc., and (2) where the event itself is more expansive and everyone works together to celebrate the new parents, whether that means serving cake or keeping track of gifts or minding the kids pregnant.

Like think of how radical it would be if kids were there and the men present took charge of watching them to give the women a chance to talk with and celebrate the expecting mom, answering questions about pregnancy, childbirth, and the postpartum experience as appropriate. And then also time for the father-to-be to have the same experience. Aunts and grandmas and cousins and neighbors around to help as well.

You are all imagining kids at this event as being very burdensome to the women present, because we are stuck in this paradigm where if your kid is somewhere, you are 100% responsible for them at all times, and where communities don't operate in this interconnected way. So yes, in that set up, most moms are going to think "ugh, no, I'd rather leave the baby at home with a sitter or my spouse and then at least I don't have to stress."

It's honestly sad. No wonder parents are so stressed. There is no break. If you aren't watching your kids, you're paying someone to do it, and that's your entire life from the moment they are born until they are old enough to be left alone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I'm from a European country where kids are welcome everywhere, so I've never quite adjusted to this Anglo-Saxon concept of child-free events. I say Anglo-Saxon because it's the same in the UK, and some other English-speaking countries, not just the US.

On the other hand, having no babies at an event cuts down on the germ transmission, and it's true pregnant women have reduced immunity, so... consider it your sacrifice for the health of the mother to be.

Yes, I’m Jewish and the idea of child free lifecycle events is crazy to me — especially child free weddings. But we don’t traditionally do baby showers anyway so everything about baby showers makes me queasy. The sexism of it being female only, opening gifts in front of people, infantilizing games - yuck. I don’t have kids yet, before anyone accuses me of being an annoying parent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[list]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a two year old son. In the last two years I’ve been to several baby showers, and all of them have been child free events. Two of them said that they’d rather no babies because it wouldn’t be as fun for their mothers (lol, like watching the mother-to-be unwrap gifts and guessing how big her belly is with a ribbon is tremendous fun). The third specifically said that children are not invited. I wasn’t planning to bring my son (the shower falls during nap time) so I’m not offended, but I think this is strange! Am I wrong? Aren’t baby showers typically baby friendly?

Your two year old isn't a baby. A baby is different than a 2 year old toddler. No, they aren't always baby friendly and you have a toddler, not a baby.

I said that I’ve been to several in the last two years since he was born. I didn’t think I had to say both baby and toddler in the title for you to understand.

For those saying the hosts are probably tired of having children around, they were all hosted by the future grandmother. They don’t have small children and haven’t in decades.

Again, I didn’t plan on bringing my kid, but I think it’s very weird to celebrate a baby’s impending birth by banning other babies from attendance. A shower, which we all know is just a gift grab, really isn’t worth a sitter.

Then don't go.

You sound really self centered by the way.

Why self centered? I have no plan to bring my kid, I just think it’s bizarre to expect people to come to a party to celebrate a future baby and get sitters for their own. I hope those mothers don’t anticipate their children will be welcome at any of their friends’ parties anytime soon.

Like most people I know, I go because I have to. Does anyone enjoy baby showers? I truly can’t imagine why any adult would want to play the ridiculous shower games and watch presents be opened for an hour and a half.

You don’t have to. I absolve you from attendance at all future showers, provided you send a gift.

But other than a very new baby— which wouldn’t be smart to have in a group anyway but if it was a siblings shower or something— babies don’t really belong at showers. It’s not a playdate and it’s not about your child.

Anonymous wrote:No one wants kids crawling around at any kind of party. If you don’t want to go, don’t. But FFS, most moms enjoy a few hours catching up with friends with a mimosa, and so what if someone is unwrapping gifts? There’s tea sandwiches and macarons. I’m having a good time, and Little Billy isn’t as cute as you think he is.

Anonymous wrote:In our circles if you have a little baby they are welcome, but the general rule is not to bring kids who are mobile.