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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We have regular sitters and try to go out at least once a week as a couple.

Most people I meet seem only interested in socializing as a family.  [b]I rarely meet a couple or woman who is open to getting together without kids.  It makes me feel strange that I seem to have this desire for independence that other women don’t seem to have.  When I go out with adults I also don’t feel the need to talk about kids.  [/b]

The other day I got together with a mom and her child and found out the mom of a 7 year old has never had a babysitter.  What?!  I can’t fathom this and don’t understand how this happens.  It’s not a financial thing.  I do think there are a lot of women living like this these days and perhaps it’s anxiety.

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Are you hanging out with SAHMs? In my friend group (which includes friends from high school, college, jobs, and neighborhood), we all work, and we all take time away from our kids. My high school and college friends aren't local so we travel to see each other 4 times a year. Professional and neighborhood friends we do dinners, weekend activities, trips, etc. Only one of these friends doesn't work, and she's the one who is always the hardest to make plans with. Maybe it's a coincidence.[/quote]

Many times SAHPs don't have built-in childcare like working parents do. When I worked full-time I had a nanny so if I wanted to go to happy hour or dinner I could just text my nanny to see if she could stay longer. If I needed to travel for work the routine didn't really change because my husband could handle mornings and evenings (and I could still ask the nanny to come early or stay late if my husband also had a work dinner or meeting). But when I became a SAHP last minute invites were much harder because I had to find childcare. I've adjusted and try to keep a list of 4-6 babysitters on file for when I need someone but my kids are older now and have activities which means I would often need someone who could handle pickup and dropoff. If I had an au pair or nanny that person would already be comfortable doing those things. [/quote]
I'm a working parent and we don't have "built-in childcare" outside of working hours. We've got a home daycare for our youngest, and preschool and an afterschool program for our oldest. None of those are available when we want to have a date night or go out on the weekends. Sure, working parents who can afford a nanny or an au pair might have more flexibility, but that's hardly all (or even most) working parents.[/quote]

I'm the PP that posted about having "built-in childcare" and I didn't mean to imply that all working parents have tons of flexibility. What I was trying to say that many working parents are used to having to find childcare because they have to. If your at-home daycare provider offered to babysit would you feel comfortable with that? Presumably you would since you leave your child in their care on a regular basis. If cost wasn't an issue could you find a babysitter? Most of the working parents I know will ask former daycare providers, other families, etc for recommendations when they need backup or holiday break help. But alot of SAHPs are not as comfortable leaving their child because they don't do it on a regular basis. So when they get the opportunity to go out they don't because the idea of finding childcare is too hard.[/quote]
I mean, personally, our home daycare is very much off the clock when she closes. She is lovely and I would absolutely trust her to babysit, but can't imagine she would ever offer, and it would feel like an imposition to ask. Some of the assistant teachers in my older child's preschool babysit, but we've never hired them, because their calendars have always been full of other gigs the handful of times we've tried. Such is the life of a part-time assistant preschool teacher that they have to have lots of other side gigs.

We have one go-to babysitter who our kids love, so our plans are pretty dependent on when she's free. We could afford to pay a sitter when we go out, since it's so infrequent, but the less often we go out, the less comfortable our kids are with different sitters, and we end up in a catch-22 situation. People who have family nearby are living the dream! There are so many grandparents doing drop off or pickup on a regular basis at my older kid's preschool, and here I am rushing to get there from daycare drop off, and then say a quick goodbye to make it to work.[/quote]

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