Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just want to note here that I think for most women, the ability to go out without kids comes down to three things:

- Affordability of childcare
- Availability of childcare
- Support of partner and/or other family

It really is not a SAHM versus working mom thing, and I don't actually think it's a question of some women not wanting that time to themselves or with their friends. It's entirely about resources.

Some people have lots of resources for this, others have almost none. Also, these factors are linked -- if you can afford to hire babysitters frequently, you will naturally have more babysitters available to you because you are hiring them regularly. Also, a partner who is supportive of you going out on your own is also more likely to be interested in going out with you, and more likely to share the burden of finding childcare for those outings as well.

If you know a woman who NEVER goes out without her kids, don't just assume she doesn't value it. If money is tight, if you have no local family, if your partner works long hours or is resentful and untrustworthy if left alone with the kids, it's going to be incredibly hard to get out without kids. And the less frequently you do it, the harder it is, because it just makes it that much harder to find childcare or get the kids to adjust to you not being there for bedtime or whatever.

I am someone who values time to myself and away from my child A LOT and it's also been a permanent struggle to get it. I was supposed to go out last week on my own while DH stayed home and did bedtime, but he had an issue at work and it just didn't happen. Story of my life. Hopefully it happens this week. I've learned not to hinge my happiness on it because it's just really hard for us.

I know a good number of women who do not appear interested in doing anything without kids and they have the resources.

Yeah I have to agree. I also know a lot of women who just aren't comfortable with using childcare. They have the financial means and a spouse who would love to go out with them but they can't get over the anxiety of leaving their kid and having someone else do the bedtime routine. Maybe they value seeing friends but they don't value it enough to find a way to utilize childcare.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just want to note here that I think for most women, the ability to go out without kids comes down to three things:

- Affordability of childcare
- Availability of childcare
- Support of partner and/or other family

It really is not a SAHM versus working mom thing, and I don't actually think it's a question of some women not wanting that time to themselves or with their friends. It's entirely about resources.

Some people have lots of resources for this, others have almost none. Also, these factors are linked -- if you can afford to hire babysitters frequently, you will naturally have more babysitters available to you because you are hiring them regularly. Also, a partner who is supportive of you going out on your own is also more likely to be interested in going out with you, and more likely to share the burden of finding childcare for those outings as well.

If you know a woman who NEVER goes out without her kids, don't just assume she doesn't value it. If money is tight, if you have no local family, if your partner works long hours or is resentful and untrustworthy if left alone with the kids, it's going to be incredibly hard to get out without kids. And the less frequently you do it, the harder it is, because it just makes it that much harder to find childcare or get the kids to adjust to you not being there for bedtime or whatever.

I am someone who values time to myself and away from my child A LOT and it's also been a permanent struggle to get it. I was supposed to go out last week on my own while DH stayed home and did bedtime, but he had an issue at work and it just didn't happen. Story of my life. Hopefully it happens this week. I've learned not to hinge my happiness on it because it's just really hard for us.

I know a good number of women who do not appear interested in doing anything without kids and they have the resources.

Yeah I have to agree. I also know a lot of women who just aren't comfortable with using childcare. They have the financial means and a spouse who would love to go out with them but they can't get over the anxiety of leaving their kid and having someone else do the bedtime routine. Maybe they value seeing friends but they don't value it enough to find a way to utilize childcare.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just want to note here that I think for most women, the ability to go out without kids comes down to three things:

- Affordability of childcare
- Availability of childcare
- Support of partner and/or other family

It really is not a SAHM versus working mom thing, and I don't actually think it's a question of some women not wanting that time to themselves or with their friends. It's entirely about resources.

Some people have lots of resources for this, others have almost none. Also, these factors are linked -- if you can afford to hire babysitters frequently, you will naturally have more babysitters available to you because you are hiring them regularly. Also, a partner who is supportive of you going out on your own is also more likely to be interested in going out with you, and more likely to share the burden of finding childcare for those outings as well.

If you know a woman who NEVER goes out without her kids, don't just assume she doesn't value it. If money is tight, if you have no local family, if your partner works long hours or is resentful and untrustworthy if left alone with the kids, it's going to be incredibly hard to get out without kids. And the less frequently you do it, the harder it is, because it just makes it that much harder to find childcare or get the kids to adjust to you not being there for bedtime or whatever.

I am someone who values time to myself and away from my child A LOT and it's also been a permanent struggle to get it. I was supposed to go out last week on my own while DH stayed home and did bedtime, but he had an issue at work and it just didn't happen. Story of my life. Hopefully it happens this week. I've learned not to hinge my happiness on it because it's just really hard for us.

I know a good number of women who do not appear interested in doing anything without kids and they have the resources.

Yeah I have to agree. I also know a lot of women who just aren't comfortable with using childcare. They have the financial means and a spouse who would love to go out with them but they can't get over the anxiety of leaving their kid and having someone else do the bedtime routine. Maybe they value seeing friends but they don't value it enough to find a way to utilize childcare.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just want to note here that I think for most women, the ability to go out without kids comes down to three things:

- Affordability of childcare
- Availability of childcare
- Support of partner and/or other family

It really is not a SAHM versus working mom thing, and I don't actually think it's a question of some women not wanting that time to themselves or with their friends. It's entirely about resources.

Some people have lots of resources for this, others have almost none. Also, these factors are linked -- if you can afford to hire babysitters frequently, you will naturally have more babysitters available to you because you are hiring them regularly. Also, a partner who is supportive of you going out on your own is also more likely to be interested in going out with you, and more likely to share the burden of finding childcare for those outings as well.

If you know a woman who NEVER goes out without her kids, don't just assume she doesn't value it. If money is tight, if you have no local family, if your partner works long hours or is resentful and untrustworthy if left alone with the kids, it's going to be incredibly hard to get out without kids. And the less frequently you do it, the harder it is, because it just makes it that much harder to find childcare or get the kids to adjust to you not being there for bedtime or whatever.

I am someone who values time to myself and away from my child A LOT and it's also been a permanent struggle to get it. I was supposed to go out last week on my own while DH stayed home and did bedtime, but he had an issue at work and it just didn't happen. Story of my life. Hopefully it happens this week. I've learned not to hinge my happiness on it because it's just really hard for us.

I know a good number of women who do not appear interested in doing anything without kids and they have the resources.

Yeah I have to agree. I also know a lot of women who just aren't comfortable with using childcare. They have the financial means and a spouse who would love to go out with them but they can't get over the anxiety of leaving their kid and having someone else do the bedtime routine. Maybe they value seeing friends but they don't value it enough to find a way to utilize childcare.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have regular sitters and try to go out at least once a week as a couple.

Most people I meet seem only interested in socializing as a family. I rarely meet a couple or woman who is open to getting together without kids. It makes me feel strange that I seem to have this desire for independence that other women don’t seem to have. When I go out with adults I also don’t feel the need to talk about kids.

The other day I got together with a mom and her child and found out the mom of a 7 year old has never had a babysitter. What?! I can’t fathom this and don’t understand how this happens. It’s not a financial thing. I do think there are a lot of women living like this these days and perhaps it’s anxiety.

Are you hanging out with SAHMs? In my friend group (which includes friends from high school, college, jobs, and neighborhood), we all work, and we all take time away from our kids. My high school and college friends aren't local so we travel to see each other 4 times a year. Professional and neighborhood friends we do dinners, weekend activities, trips, etc. Only one of these friends doesn't work, and she's the one who is always the hardest to make plans with. Maybe it's a coincidence.

Many times SAHPs don't have built-in childcare like working parents do. When I worked full-time I had a nanny so if I wanted to go to happy hour or dinner I could just text my nanny to see if she could stay longer. If I needed to travel for work the routine didn't really change because my husband could handle mornings and evenings (and I could still ask the nanny to come early or stay late if my husband also had a work dinner or meeting). But when I became a SAHP last minute invites were much harder because I had to find childcare. I've adjusted and try to keep a list of 4-6 babysitters on file for when I need someone but my kids are older now and have activities which means I would often need someone who could handle pickup and dropoff. If I had an au pair or nanny that person would already be comfortable doing those things.

I'm a working parent and we don't have "built-in childcare" outside of working hours. We've got a home daycare for our youngest, and preschool and an afterschool program for our oldest. None of those are available when we want to have a date night or go out on the weekends. Sure, working parents who can afford a nanny or an au pair might have more flexibility, but that's hardly all (or even most) working parents.

I'm the PP that posted about having "built-in childcare" and I didn't mean to imply that all working parents have tons of flexibility. What I was trying to say that many working parents are used to having to find childcare because they have to. If your at-home daycare provider offered to babysit would you feel comfortable with that? Presumably you would since you leave your child in their care on a regular basis. If cost wasn't an issue could you find a babysitter? Most of the working parents I know will ask former daycare providers, other families, etc for recommendations when they need backup or holiday break help. But alot of SAHPs are not as comfortable leaving their child because they don't do it on a regular basis. So when they get the opportunity to go out they don't because the idea of finding childcare is too hard.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just want to note here that I think for most women, the ability to go out without kids comes down to three things:

- Affordability of childcare
- Availability of childcare
- Support of partner and/or other family

It really is not a SAHM versus working mom thing, and I don't actually think it's a question of some women not wanting that time to themselves or with their friends. It's entirely about resources.

Some people have lots of resources for this, others have almost none. Also, these factors are linked -- if you can afford to hire babysitters frequently, you will naturally have more babysitters available to you because you are hiring them regularly. Also, a partner who is supportive of you going out on your own is also more likely to be interested in going out with you, and more likely to share the burden of finding childcare for those outings as well.

If you know a woman who NEVER goes out without her kids, don't just assume she doesn't value it. If money is tight, if you have no local family, if your partner works long hours or is resentful and untrustworthy if left alone with the kids, it's going to be incredibly hard to get out without kids. And the less frequently you do it, the harder it is, because it just makes it that much harder to find childcare or get the kids to adjust to you not being there for bedtime or whatever.

I am someone who values time to myself and away from my child A LOT and it's also been a permanent struggle to get it. I was supposed to go out last week on my own while DH stayed home and did bedtime, but he had an issue at work and it just didn't happen. Story of my life. Hopefully it happens this week. I've learned not to hinge my happiness on it because it's just really hard for us.

I know a good number of women who do not appear interested in doing anything without kids and they have the resources.

Anonymous wrote:I just want to note here that I think for most women, the ability to go out without kids comes down to three things:

- Affordability of childcare
- Availability of childcare
- Support of partner and/or other family

It really is not a SAHM versus working mom thing, and I don't actually think it's a question of some women not wanting that time to themselves or with their friends. It's entirely about resources.

Some people have lots of resources for this, others have almost none. Also, these factors are linked -- if you can afford to hire babysitters frequently, you will naturally have more babysitters available to you because you are hiring them regularly. Also, a partner who is supportive of you going out on your own is also more likely to be interested in going out with you, and more likely to share the burden of finding childcare for those outings as well.

If you know a woman who NEVER goes out without her kids, don't just assume she doesn't value it. If money is tight, if you have no local family, if your partner works long hours or is resentful and untrustworthy if left alone with the kids, it's going to be incredibly hard to get out without kids. And the less frequently you do it, the harder it is, because it just makes it that much harder to find childcare or get the kids to adjust to you not being there for bedtime or whatever.

I am someone who values time to myself and away from my child A LOT and it's also been a permanent struggle to get it. I was supposed to go out last week on my own while DH stayed home and did bedtime, but he had an issue at work and it just didn't happen. Story of my life. Hopefully it happens this week. I've learned not to hinge my happiness on it because it's just really hard for us.

Anonymous wrote:I just want to note here that I think for most women, the ability to go out without kids comes down to three things:

- Affordability of childcare
- Availability of childcare
- Support of partner and/or other family

It really is not a SAHM versus working mom thing, and I don't actually think it's a question of some women not wanting that time to themselves or with their friends. It's entirely about resources.

Some people have lots of resources for this, others have almost none. Also, these factors are linked -- if you can afford to hire babysitters frequently, you will naturally have more babysitters available to you because you are hiring them regularly. Also, a partner who is supportive of you going out on your own is also more likely to be interested in going out with you, and more likely to share the burden of finding childcare for those outings as well.

If you know a woman who NEVER goes out without her kids, don't just assume she doesn't value it. If money is tight, if you have no local family, if your partner works long hours or is resentful and untrustworthy if left alone with the kids, it's going to be incredibly hard to get out without kids. And the less frequently you do it, the harder it is, because it just makes it that much harder to find childcare or get the kids to adjust to you not being there for bedtime or whatever.

I am someone who values time to myself and away from my child A LOT and it's also been a permanent struggle to get it. I was supposed to go out last week on my own while DH stayed home and did bedtime, but he had an issue at work and it just didn't happen. Story of my life. Hopefully it happens this week. I've learned not to hinge my happiness on it because it's just really hard for us.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have regular sitters and try to go out at least once a week as a couple.

Most people I meet seem only interested in socializing as a family. I rarely meet a couple or woman who is open to getting together without kids. It makes me feel strange that I seem to have this desire for independence that other women don’t seem to have. When I go out with adults I also don’t feel the need to talk about kids.

The other day I got together with a mom and her child and found out the mom of a 7 year old has never had a babysitter. What?! I can’t fathom this and don’t understand how this happens. It’s not a financial thing. I do think there are a lot of women living like this these days and perhaps it’s anxiety.

Are you hanging out with SAHMs? In my friend group (which includes friends from high school, college, jobs, and neighborhood), we all work, and we all take time away from our kids. My high school and college friends aren't local so we travel to see each other 4 times a year. Professional and neighborhood friends we do dinners, weekend activities, trips, etc. Only one of these friends doesn't work, and she's the one who is always the hardest to make plans with. Maybe it's a coincidence.

Many times SAHPs don't have built-in childcare like working parents do. When I worked full-time I had a nanny so if I wanted to go to happy hour or dinner I could just text my nanny to see if she could stay longer. If I needed to travel for work the routine didn't really change because my husband could handle mornings and evenings (and I could still ask the nanny to come early or stay late if my husband also had a work dinner or meeting). But when I became a SAHP last minute invites were much harder because I had to find childcare. I've adjusted and try to keep a list of 4-6 babysitters on file for when I need someone but my kids are older now and have activities which means I would often need someone who could handle pickup and dropoff. If I had an au pair or nanny that person would already be comfortable doing those things.

I'm a working parent and we don't have "built-in childcare" outside of working hours. We've got a home daycare for our youngest, and preschool and an afterschool program for our oldest. None of those are available when we want to have a date night or go out on the weekends. Sure, working parents who can afford a nanny or an au pair might have more flexibility, but that's hardly all (or even most) working parents.

I'm the PP that posted about having "built-in childcare" and I didn't mean to imply that all working parents have tons of flexibility. What I was trying to say that many working parents are used to having to find childcare because they have to. If your at-home daycare provider offered to babysit would you feel comfortable with that? Presumably you would since you leave your child in their care on a regular basis. If cost wasn't an issue could you find a babysitter? Most of the working parents I know will ask former daycare providers, other families, etc for recommendations when they need backup or holiday break help. But alot of SAHPs are not as comfortable leaving their child because they don't do it on a regular basis. So when they get the opportunity to go out they don't because the idea of finding childcare is too hard.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have regular sitters and try to go out at least once a week as a couple.

Most people I meet seem only interested in socializing as a family. I rarely meet a couple or woman who is open to getting together without kids. It makes me feel strange that I seem to have this desire for independence that other women don’t seem to have. When I go out with adults I also don’t feel the need to talk about kids.

The other day I got together with a mom and her child and found out the mom of a 7 year old has never had a babysitter. What?! I can’t fathom this and don’t understand how this happens. It’s not a financial thing. I do think there are a lot of women living like this these days and perhaps it’s anxiety.

Are you hanging out with SAHMs? In my friend group (which includes friends from high school, college, jobs, and neighborhood), we all work, and we all take time away from our kids. My high school and college friends aren't local so we travel to see each other 4 times a year. Professional and neighborhood friends we do dinners, weekend activities, trips, etc. Only one of these friends doesn't work, and she's the one who is always the hardest to make plans with. Maybe it's a coincidence.

Many times SAHPs don't have built-in childcare like working parents do. When I worked full-time I had a nanny so if I wanted to go to happy hour or dinner I could just text my nanny to see if she could stay longer. If I needed to travel for work the routine didn't really change because my husband could handle mornings and evenings (and I could still ask the nanny to come early or stay late if my husband also had a work dinner or meeting). But when I became a SAHP last minute invites were much harder because I had to find childcare. I've adjusted and try to keep a list of 4-6 babysitters on file for when I need someone but my kids are older now and have activities which means I would often need someone who could handle pickup and dropoff. If I had an au pair or nanny that person would already be comfortable doing those things.

I'm a working parent and we don't have "built-in childcare" outside of working hours. We've got a home daycare for our youngest, and preschool and an afterschool program for our oldest. None of those are available when we want to have a date night or go out on the weekends. Sure, working parents who can afford a nanny or an au pair might have more flexibility, but that's hardly all (or even most) working parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have regular sitters and try to go out at least once a week as a couple.

Most people I meet seem only interested in socializing as a family. I rarely meet a couple or woman who is open to getting together without kids. It makes me feel strange that I seem to have this desire for independence that other women don’t seem to have. When I go out with adults I also don’t feel the need to talk about kids.

The other day I got together with a mom and her child and found out the mom of a 7 year old has never had a babysitter. What?! I can’t fathom this and don’t understand how this happens. It’s not a financial thing. I do think there are a lot of women living like this these days and perhaps it’s anxiety.

Are you hanging out with SAHMs? In my friend group (which includes friends from high school, college, jobs, and neighborhood), we all work, and we all take time away from our kids. My high school and college friends aren't local so we travel to see each other 4 times a year. Professional and neighborhood friends we do dinners, weekend activities, trips, etc. Only one of these friends doesn't work, and she's the one who is always the hardest to make plans with. Maybe it's a coincidence.

Many times SAHPs don't have built-in childcare like working parents do. When I worked full-time I had a nanny so if I wanted to go to happy hour or dinner I could just text my nanny to see if she could stay longer. If I needed to travel for work the routine didn't really change because my husband could handle mornings and evenings (and I could still ask the nanny to come early or stay late if my husband also had a work dinner or meeting). But when I became a SAHP last minute invites were much harder because I had to find childcare. I've adjusted and try to keep a list of 4-6 babysitters on file for when I need someone but my kids are older now and have activities which means I would often need someone who could handle pickup and dropoff. If I had an au pair or nanny that person would already be comfortable doing those things.

Anonymous wrote:I just want to note here that I think for most women, the ability to go out without kids comes down to three things:

- Affordability of childcare
- Availability of childcare
- Support of partner and/or other family

It really is not a SAHM versus working mom thing, and I don't actually think it's a question of some women not wanting that time to themselves or with their friends. It's entirely about resources.

Some people have lots of resources for this, others have almost none. Also, these factors are linked -- if you can afford to hire babysitters frequently, you will naturally have more babysitters available to you because you are hiring them regularly. Also, a partner who is supportive of you going out on your own is also more likely to be interested in going out with you, and more likely to share the burden of finding childcare for those outings as well.

If you know a woman who NEVER goes out without her kids, don't just assume she doesn't value it. If money is tight, if you have no local family, if your partner works long hours or is resentful and untrustworthy if left alone with the kids, it's going to be incredibly hard to get out without kids. And the less frequently you do it, the harder it is, because it just makes it that much harder to find childcare or get the kids to adjust to you not being there for bedtime or whatever.

I am someone who values time to myself and away from my child A LOT and it's also been a permanent struggle to get it. I was supposed to go out last week on my own while DH stayed home and did bedtime, but he had an issue at work and it just didn't happen. Story of my life. Hopefully it happens this week. I've learned not to hinge my happiness on it because it's just really hard for us.