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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I just want to note here that I think for most women, the ability to go out without kids comes down to three things:

- Affordability of childcare
- Availability of childcare
- Support of partner and/or other family

It really is not a SAHM versus working mom thing, and I don't actually think it's a question of some women not wanting that time to themselves or with their friends. It's entirely about resources.

Some people have lots of resources for this, others have almost none. Also, these factors are linked -- if you can afford to hire babysitters frequently, you will naturally have more babysitters available to you because you are hiring them regularly. Also, a partner who is supportive of you going out on your own is also more likely to be interested in going out with you, and more likely to share the burden of finding childcare for those outings as well.

If you know a woman who NEVER goes out without her kids, don't just assume she doesn't value it. If money is tight, if you have no local family, if your partner works long hours or is resentful and untrustworthy if left alone with the kids, it's going to be incredibly hard to get out without kids. And the less frequently you do it, the harder it is, because it just makes it that much harder to find childcare or get the kids to adjust to you not being there for bedtime or whatever.

I am someone who values time to myself and away from my child A LOT and it's also been a permanent struggle to get it. I was supposed to go out last week on my own while DH stayed home and did bedtime, but he had an issue at work and it just didn't happen. Story of my life. Hopefully it happens this week. I've learned not to hinge my happiness on it because it's just really hard for us.[/quote]

This is so true!  I’m a working single parent and while my kids are in daycare, I almost never do babysitters because money is tight and routine makes things easier.  But this means if I want to get a babysitter it’s this huge additional lift because I rarely get them so I feel like there are all these details to work out and I often find myself wondering why I’m paying for so much stress and bother.[/quote]

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