Reply to Best toddler tips you have or have received from parents with "good kids"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I disagree with throwing all parenting books away.  After Happiest Baby on the Block worked with the 5 S's, we also tried the methods from Happiest Toddler on the Block.  Obviously, not everything works for all kids, but we got concrete ideas for how to reinforce good behavior rather than focusing on the negative.  In addition to staying away from "good" and "bad" language and instead using "helpful" and "unhelpful," I think one of the best things we did was basically talking about our kids behind their backs so they would eavesdrop.  The idea is that, if you say something directly to the child, they kind of take it with a grain of salt, like most adults would.  Whereas, if you say something to your spouse/partner about them in a way that they can hear it, it means more.  Example: Did you see how Larla put away all her toys?  That was so helpful!

[b]The other advice I loved an got from a fellow parent was to always give choices, but choices you can live with.  When your toddler starts asserting him or herself, they want to be able to confidently start making decisions, so give them little things they can choose, such as a choice between 2 outfits for the next day.  But more than 2 options seems to overwhelm most kids.  [/b]

The choice thing also worked for somewhat negative behavior/things they need to do. If child needs to do something like go upstairs, I might say, "On the count of 3, either you will go upstairs yourself or I will carry you, but you can choose."  Or, if child is doing something like throwing food at mealtime, "Either you will stop throwing food or you will choose that mealtime is over."  I remember using this method in front of my mother who was convinced that my 18mo wouldn't understand what I was saying, but she was proven very wrong.  [/quote]

+1 Sometimes the choices are do you want to do this now or in 5 minutes?

Also, for my challenging kids, as much positive reinforcement as possible. We focused on catching them being good and used visual reminders like a sticker chart followed by a reward. I know the "punished by rewards" school of thought but that didn't work for my kids. One of my friends was IMO a bit self-righteous in the "we don't use rewards or punishments, we just talk with the kids" which worked great for her eager-to-please little kids but they later struggled with anxiety. [/quote]

Another "choice" that works particularly well with toddlers is "do you want to do this yourself or do you want me to do it for you?" This was a go-to for mornings and bedtimes for a couple years because kids are motivated by wanting to be independent at that age. It also can make them more willing to accept your help when they actually need it, because you aren't giving them the option of just avoiding it altogether -- this can motivate them to say "yes, please do this for me" instead of fighting you on it because it's presented as a choice instead of forced on them.[/quote]

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