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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yes or No:

Would you think a spouse of 15+ years would rememeber/remark/acknowledge on your dead parent's birthday?[/quote]

I wish OPs would post their real issues instead of vague "survey questions" like this. Your spouse forgot or doesn't acknowleged or know your dead parent's birthday. Did you wait and wait on that day, hoping and expecting your spouse would say something to you? And then spouse didn't and you're angry? I get it, I truly do. But isn't it possible that your expectations are skewed by your own grief and desire for [i]someone other than yourself to remember your parent[/i], OP? I say that kindly, as someone who always remembers my own late parents' (and grandmother's) birthdays. I want to feel that they mattered to others who can still remember them as we all get older and the memory of loved ones starts to fade.  If your spouse doesn't remember or remark on a date that is meaningful to you, then tell your spouse, "I'm still grieving this loss and want to acknowledge Parent's life more. Next year I'd like us both to...." Then fill in the blank with some action that would memorialize your parent well. Contribute to a charity he or she would have appreciated, in his or her name. Plant a bunch of bulbs in a corner of the yard, with flowers in colors your parent liked. Eat at his or her favorite restaurant or cook one of their favorite foods. Whatever works, simple or complex. But involve your spouse and speak up. And ask your spouse if there's anyone he or she would like to memorialize annually. But don't expect your spouse to remember dates, necessarily. Make those dates into something tangible you both DO rather than just days you wait for a verbal acknowledgement and when it doesn't come, you're hurt.

For years after my grandmother (who lived in my parents' household for 45 years and helped raise me) died, I sent my mother flowers on my grandmother's birthday. My mom appreciated knowing I remembered them both on that day. Can you do something like that with someone else who knew your late parent? To take some of the expectation around this date off your spouse and just share acknowledgement with someone else in your life? [/quote]

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