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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]At this point with 3 young kids (3, 6 and 8) I feel like every minute of the day revolves around my kids, their activities and their schedules.  I work full time and kids are at daycare/school but I am constantly arranging my schedule to make sure I can drop them off in time for the bus, pick them up from the bus, feed them, do homework, get them ready for sports/activities, etc.

I know this is normal for their ages but at what point does your life become yours again?  To be fair, DH and I plan date nights, have time to ourselves when we can fit it in and try to go away by ourselves at least once every year or every other year for at least a long weekend, if not for a week.  But when we are in our normal every day lives I would say 90% of our time revolves around our kids and their needs.  [/quote]

If you are wondering this, you probably shouldn't have had kids.[/quote]

Wrong. Parents should have full, enriching adult lives outside their children no matter the age of the child.

But they probably shouldn't have had that many children.[/quote]

I only had one kid and I sometimes struggle to have a "full, enriching adult life" outside of my kid. I mean, I do work at it -- I read, have hobbies, work full time, and maintain friendships that are totally separate from being a mom (not just mom friends). But parenting is still my main priority, followed by work, and everything else fits into the maaaaaybe 10% that's left over?

The fullness and richest part of my life comes from parenting. I am very glad to have the balance of other things, but I derive the most satisfaction and joy from parenting, even though it is also draining and burdensome at times. This idea that I would have a whole "other" life outside my kid that would be independently enriching? I just don't think it's realistic. As I've heard said: you can have it all, but you can't have it all at once.[/quote]

I'm the "full, enriching life" PP and I guess I just view things differently. (I have an only child as well, FWIW). The most enriching part of my life is my marriage, not parenthood. I am still in the slog, young-kid years, to be fair, but I would not say parenting is the most enriching part of my life. I love my child deeply and enjoy spending time with her, but it's important to me personally ot have a lot of alone time both with and without my spouse, hobbies, friendships, travel, and a fulfilling career on top of that.[/quote]

Pp, I am just curious about the logistics of all this alone time you spend, plus a fulfilling career (do you work full time? How much PTO do you get?), do you do you outsource cooking, cleaning m, errands, driving kid, birthdays, and all that stuff? cause no matter how much I twist it and turn it, after spending 40 hours + at work, house and kid stuff, there is so little time I have for “me”. I am not asking about how you feel or what you find enriching, but the logistics of it all. How much time do you spend alone per week? How much travel you do alone?[/quote]

I work full-time, but in a relatively good work-life balance job -- kind of seasonal, so there are big lulls but also heavy weeks sometimes. Not as much WFH as I would like, but some. 4 weeks vacation but I rarely take all of it (I like to save some to roll over). I don't outsource anything except daycare and date night babysitting. I do the bare minimum in terms of playdates, birthday parties, activities - we spend a lot of time hanging out at playgrounds - I think that is the big timesuck for a lot of parents, getting too involved with organized stuff at too young an age. We have a small, easy to maintain house and I don't give a **** about how it looks most of the time. I travel both with kid and without. Not that much solo travel but occasional. I wake up VERY early so some of my me time/spouse couple time is in the morning. I am very strict about kid sleep and will enforce an early bedtime as long as I can.[/quote]

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