Reply to Am I the only parent that grounds my kid?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The big problem with the reflex of taking the phone away because you're a lazy parent who can't think of how to actually align consequences to infraction is what are you going to do when your kid is driving? Take the car away reflexively? You might say yes, but then you quickly discover that your child's car use actually is a convenience to YOU.

So, stop being lazy. Tie consequences to infractions.

You take away the phone if they're abusing the phone in some way. Absolutely.

But not for something that has nothing to do with phone use. In that case you're doing it because you can't think of any other form of discipline. [/quote]

I would say that 8/10, the phone has been a contributor to my teens' behavioral problems. They're either:

1) So consumed with the phone that it's distracting them and preventing them from fulfilling their obligations and responsibilities

2) It's giving them wrongheaded and/or dangerous suggestions and misinformation that they then take as gospel and internalize and foolishly attempt to act out

3) They feel entitled to it even though it's a perk and privilege, instead of appreciating it for the luxury and gift that it is.

At the end of the day, if your teen is mouthy and disrespectful to you, for example, taking away the phone for a time IS a logical consequence for that behavior because they're likely mouthy because they feel like what you say doesn't matter because the opinions of the people who are validating and gassing them up over the phone and social media are more important, or that they can talk to you however they feel like because if they offend you and you get upset, they can always retreat to the comfort and reality distortion zone of the virtual world. By cutting off access to that retreat, you force them to confront the awkwardness and hostility they've engendered with their actions with no room to escape.

The phone is not a right as a minor. It's a privilege and should be valued and treated as such.[/quote]

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