Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The big problem with the reflex of taking the phone away because you're a lazy parent who can't think of how to actually align consequences to infraction is what are you going to do when your kid is driving? Take the car away reflexively? You might say yes, but then you quickly discover that your child's car use actually is a convenience to YOU.

So, stop being lazy. Tie consequences to infractions.

You take away the phone if they're abusing the phone in some way. Absolutely.

But not for something that has nothing to do with phone use. In that case you're doing it because you can't think of any other form of discipline.

So what's the consequences for the vaping in school? While I agree with you taking the phone doesn't match, I'm not hearing what does match.

There have been a lot of suggestions on this thread. Ransom searches of personal belongings and rooms. Drug testing. Not allowing out unsupervised.

Personally, I like to let them keep the phone since it makes the punishment worse with them seeing what everyone else is doing and they aren’t there.

Anonymous wrote:My DD keeps telling me that I’m the only one to take her phone away ground her when she gets in trouble…:. She got her phone taken away for almost a week when she was caught vaping in class, skipping or getting written up for Misbehaving… why aren’t other parents disciplining their kids when they act up?

Yes and my DD is often yhe only one who doesn't get to do xyz. What uour daughter is relaying is not accurate so don't believe it

Yes I ground my kid, but she is super social so this is very motivating for her to behave.

Yes I have taken her phone away -- but only when she is at home and doesn't need it.

Taking a phone away is a perfectly reasonable punishment, OP. Grounding works if your kid is social. You have to take away something that is important to them so they understand the consequences of breaking the rules.

The real world will not be as gentle or understanding.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The big problem with the reflex of taking the phone away because you're a lazy parent who can't think of how to actually align consequences to infraction is what are you going to do when your kid is driving? Take the car away reflexively? You might say yes, but then you quickly discover that your child's car use actually is a convenience to YOU.

So, stop being lazy. Tie consequences to infractions.

You take away the phone if they're abusing the phone in some way. Absolutely.

But not for something that has nothing to do with phone use. In that case you're doing it because you can't think of any other form of discipline.

There are lots of form of discipline, parents know their kids and what works for them. But just so you know, Kids are ALWAYS abusing the phone, spending countless hours "playing" on it. Just look at the stats.

My teen has a car and YES, when he's grounded I take the driving privileges' away. So that just means Mom has to drive him around, which he hates. Then he also has to explain to friends why he's not driving. Btw, I don't mind driving him around, that's being lazy.

My kids are very social and, for me, taking the phone privileges works like a charm. Better than any other punishments.

again, my kids don't skip school or have gotten caught vaping at school. If that was the case the phone would be the last of my worries!

Or it means your kid might not get to go and do all of the things he wants to do and now can only do the things he HAS to do that fit in with your schedule, since you now have to drive him. Which is a natural consequence of his poor decisions, which should prompt him to avoid having his car taken away again in the future! Natural consequences for bad choices. Makes sense to me.

That makes no sense to me. Parents should only drive to activities and school. Nothing else.

Anonymous wrote:My kids are younger (12, 10) but yeah, I totally take away devices/screen time as discipline. But they get a week away from screens for some pretty "minor" infractions (not doing their chores, skipping music practice, staying up way way past their bedtime to get school work done). I try to tie the cause and effect - ie natural consequences - like, you didn't get your "responsibilities" done in adequate time, then you need more time to get it all done, therefore, no screens to distract you. It's been pretty effective thus far.

I don't see how vaping really connects to phones. THat seems like a pretty major issue.

You think someone who cannot make good decisions and judgements when it comes to things like vaping will make good decisions/judgements when it comes to a cell phone? Interesting.

Anonymous wrote:THANKS!!! I am showing this to her!!!

Don't actually show this to her. Last thing we're need are more teens trolling the boards.

But yes, taking away phone access sense like a popular go to punishment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The big problem with the reflex of taking the phone away because you're a lazy parent who can't think of how to actually align consequences to infraction is what are you going to do when your kid is driving? Take the car away reflexively? You might say yes, but then you quickly discover that your child's car use actually is a convenience to YOU.

So, stop being lazy. Tie consequences to infractions.

You take away the phone if they're abusing the phone in some way. Absolutely.

But not for something that has nothing to do with phone use. In that case you're doing it because you can't think of any other form of discipline.

There are lots of form of discipline, parents know their kids and what works for them. But just so you know, Kids are ALWAYS abusing the phone, spending countless hours "playing" on it. Just look at the stats.

My teen has a car and YES, when he's grounded I take the driving privileges' away. So that just means Mom has to drive him around, which he hates. Then he also has to explain to friends why he's not driving. Btw, I don't mind driving him around, that's being lazy.

My kids are very social and, for me, taking the phone privileges works like a charm. Better than any other punishments.

again, my kids don't skip school or have gotten caught vaping at school. If that was the case the phone would be the last of my worries!

Or it means your kid might not get to go and do all of the things he wants to do and now can only do the things he HAS to do that fit in with your schedule, since you now have to drive him. Which is a natural consequence of his poor decisions, which should prompt him to avoid having his car taken away again in the future! Natural consequences for bad choices. Makes sense to me.

My kids are younger (12, 10) but yeah, I totally take away devices/screen time as discipline. But they get a week away from screens for some pretty "minor" infractions (not doing their chores, skipping music practice, staying up way way past their bedtime to get school work done). I try to tie the cause and effect - ie natural consequences - like, you didn't get your "responsibilities" done in adequate time, then you need more time to get it all done, therefore, no screens to distract you. It's been pretty effective thus far.

I don't see how vaping really connects to phones. THat seems like a pretty major issue.

Do you really believe that if a teen is vaping and skipping school that the phone is NOT a major contributing factor in facilitating both of those things? LOL How do they think they're coordinating acquiring the vapes and skipping with their friends? It's not through telepathy.

Anonymous wrote:The big problem with the reflex of taking the phone away because you're a lazy parent who can't think of how to actually align consequences to infraction is what are you going to do when your kid is driving? Take the car away reflexively? You might say yes, but then you quickly discover that your child's car use actually is a convenience to YOU.

So, stop being lazy. Tie consequences to infractions.

You take away the phone if they're abusing the phone in some way. Absolutely.

But not for something that has nothing to do with phone use. In that case you're doing it because you can't think of any other form of discipline.

I would say that 8/10, the phone has been a contributor to my teens' behavioral problems. They're either:

1) So consumed with the phone that it's distracting them and preventing them from fulfilling their obligations and responsibilities

2) It's giving them wrongheaded and/or dangerous suggestions and misinformation that they then take as gospel and internalize and foolishly attempt to act out

3) They feel entitled to it even though it's a perk and privilege, instead of appreciating it for the luxury and gift that it is.

At the end of the day, if your teen is mouthy and disrespectful to you, for example, taking away the phone for a time IS a logical consequence for that behavior because they're likely mouthy because they feel like what you say doesn't matter because the opinions of the people who are validating and gassing them up over the phone and social media are more important, or that they can talk to you however they feel like because if they offend you and you get upset, they can always retreat to the comfort and reality distortion zone of the virtual world. By cutting off access to that retreat, you force them to confront the awkwardness and hostility they've engendered with their actions with no room to escape.

The phone is not a right as a minor. It's a privilege and should be valued and treated as such.

Anonymous wrote:The big problem with the reflex of taking the phone away because you're a lazy parent who can't think of how to actually align consequences to infraction is what are you going to do when your kid is driving? Take the car away reflexively? You might say yes, but then you quickly discover that your child's car use actually is a convenience to YOU.

So, stop being lazy. Tie consequences to infractions.

You take away the phone if they're abusing the phone in some way. Absolutely.

But not for something that has nothing to do with phone use. In that case you're doing it because you can't think of any other form of discipline.

There are lots of form of discipline, parents know their kids and what works for them. But just so you know, Kids are ALWAYS abusing the phone, spending countless hours "playing" on it. Just look at the stats.

My teen has a car and YES, when he's grounded I take the driving privileges' away. So that just means Mom has to drive him around, which he hates. Then he also has to explain to friends why he's not driving. Btw, I don't mind driving him around, that's being lazy.

My kids are very social and, for me, taking the phone privileges works like a charm. Better than any other punishments.

again, my kids don't skip school or have gotten caught vaping at school. If that was the case the phone would be the last of my worries!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To me the word grounding means can’t go out anywhere. I don’t ground my kid but I do take screens away, dessert away etc. she’s in 6th. She lied to me one Friday about not having homework and then was doing it Sunday night at bedtime. She lost all screens for an entire week because she was in her tablet both weekend mornings when she could have been doing homework.

I would never use food as a reward or punishment.

Why not?

I tell my kids: If you continue to fail to do (blank) then there won't be Pizza on Friday. or if you are grounded you can't come to the Restaurant with us Saturday...etc.

I also use it for rewarding, for example they get a good grade on a test, then they get a special dessert, their choice.

Or if they have a good game we go get ice cream afterwards. etc.

Btw, my kids are slim and athletic. My oldest prefers cash or chipotle as reward. So when in trouble/grounded he gets nothing!

Anonymous wrote:The big problem with the reflex of taking the phone away because you're a lazy parent who can't think of how to actually align consequences to infraction is what are you going to do when your kid is driving? Take the car away reflexively? You might say yes, but then you quickly discover that your child's car use actually is a convenience to YOU.

So, stop being lazy. Tie consequences to infractions.

You take away the phone if they're abusing the phone in some way. Absolutely.

But not for something that has nothing to do with phone use. In that case you're doing it because you can't think of any other form of discipline.

So what's the consequences for the vaping in school? While I agree with you taking the phone doesn't match, I'm not hearing what does match.

Anonymous wrote:THANKS!!! I am showing this to her!!!

OP's kid,
If your parent shows you this thread to prove that they aren't the only one to ground their kids, I wanted to write a message to you. You are clearly in a bit of a power struggle with your parents. It's pretty easy and common to do that as a teenager.

Forget about the punishments your parents will or will not give you, and instead think about what you want. You aren't an idiot, you know vaping is bad for you. You know that skipping school is bad for you. Why are you doing it?

Probably because school is boring, or you like the thrill. And I don't mean that dismissively, school can be boring and everyone knows the thrill of breaking the rules every once in a while. While these things will upset your parents, ultimately you are the one who will have to live with the long term consequences. Teen years are when you shape the sort of adult you want to be...do you really want to be the sort of adult who skips out on responsibilities and vapes? Deep down you probably don't.

The most adult thing you can do is to stop worrying about or arguing about your parent's phone grounding and instead focus on what you need to change to be the sort of adult you want to be. Best of luck to you.