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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This all said, your DH should be talking to his sister about her mentally ill child. If she is doing nothing, there is an obligation of the adults in his life to at least say something. [/quote]

NO.  Don’t do this.  It’s obvious from OP’s post that the child is medicated and in therapy, and OP and her husband have no standing to get involved in this situation.[/quote]

On the contrary.  Exposing your child to a known source of violent injury, even from another child, is itself child abuse or neglect.

OP has not only the right but the parental and legal obligation to properly address the threat.  That starts with the obligation to identify and communicate clearly and.directly about it.[/quote]

Absolutely not and glad OP agrees.  OP can choose to supervise her children around their cousin but that is not a reason to talk to the parents of a special needs child about issues OP can’t possibly understand.  [/quote]

OP here— I will have to talk to my *kids* about it eventually but I agree with you there’s no reason to discuss it with my sister in law.

My husband did try to raise it once, and (I think predictably) she was very upset and defensive and insisted nephew “loves” babies and is perfectly safe, which just made my DH mad because she had a child at home with stitches from his brother at the time. There is no reason to discuss it with SIL because it won’t change outcome and I think discussing it with ILs just leads to family gossip which isn’t great either.

[/quote]

Your sister in law is delusional about the very real threat her child poses to other children and therefore is useless as a supervisor for her own child much less other children.  Her kid is going to get worse and worse until one day he does something really tragic and the entire family winds up on CNN.

Everyone telling you to sweep it under the rug is someone who does not have responsibility for the safety of your children.  You do.

You absolutely need to tell your sister in law that under no circumstances will you permit your children to be endangered by hers.  Make it very clear and please have the guts that your husband and his entire family seems to lack.

How many more children have to be hospitalized before that happens?  The correct answer is zero.[/quote]

I really disagree that there’s a need to discuss supervision with my SIL— I don’t let her oldest alone with either of my children for one second. It’s not a discussion. My husband raised it with her once and, as I said, it wasn’t well received.

The question is whether to explicitly tell my in laws this is the reason we need separate accommodations (or a master suite if we share a house). My father in law feels strongly that my nephew is not being parented “correctly” and my mother in law is protective/defensive of both nephew and SIL. I do not want to engage in any of that because at the end of the day it’s not my business. If I raise that issue it’s going to re-open a big family argument about this and my FIL is going to say nephew is keeping him from seeing his sons children and shouldn’t be allowed to go to the beach at all or something similar.[/quote]

PP here.  These are people who want to believe they have "normal" relationships with "normal" people - so no, they are not going to call that kid on whatever stunt that kid pulls. Keep your kid safe, OP. Follow your gut. [/quote]

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