Reply to My friend seems surprised her ex is thriving domestically

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There are many layers to this.

First, your perception is your reality, but you can influence your perception by stepping back and choosing what to focus on. So she probably could have chosen to see her ex in a more positive light.

But let's assume she's not totally fictionalizing the past and he really did step back and let her do everything. [b]That's pretty common, isn't it?[/b] If there's someone around who historically has performed a task, or who seems to like doing it more than we do, or who will do it if we just wait five minutes, then a lot of us will let them, right? But of course, if no one is around, we're not going to just . . . not eat, or whatnot.

And then there's the possible dynamic of a martyr complex. Quite possibly your friend has some entrenched patterns that don't serve her wherein she does things she doesn't need to do and then feels resentful about it. She could trade in the resentment for boundaries, but it's easier to feel outrage than to look closely at one's faults.

Her ex not falling flat on his face is creating cognitive dissonance for her because in her black and white world, she was the competent one and he was the dead weight. [/quote]

That's just it, I don't think it is. I think it's unusual. [/quote]

Sorry friend but multiple time-use studies have shown that women do more domestic labor. [/quote]

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