Reply to Feeling hurt when other people fall apart over their elderly ailing parents while mine died young

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]1999. That is the important part here, people. OP is acting totally insane.[/quote]

I am the OP. Why is the year of my mom's death relevant when I still haven't found closure?

My mom was completely unable to talk about her diagnosis (malignant cancer which turned out to be terminal) to anyone which made things worse I think.
There was no real 'goodbye'.

[/quote]

Because 23 years is a long time to not seek treatment for unresolved grief and to withhold empathy and support from your own grieving spouse because of it. [/quote]

OP again.
I have never sought treatment or therapy in my life. 
I was brought up to deal with your problems without leaning on others, or asking for help (unless it was a serious and urgent situation).

I was born in 1968 and therapy or councelling wasn't really a thing when I was growing up. It was kind of frowned upon in my family. 
My dad's side of the family were a little more open and more communicative, but my mom's side were not, and problems/emotions were dealt with within each nuclear family unit. You wouldn't really seek help from outside.[/quote]

OP, I think your grief is valid and I cannot imagine “getting over” the death of parents in 23 years or 32 or any number.  Your desire to process that grief and depend on your husband as you work through your feelings, when he’s currently dealing with a dying parent, is less sympathic.  Now might be a good time to start thinking about therapy.  I get that you grew up with a stigma against it and this old grief might not feel like it makes you “need” therapy but I do think you sound start thinking about it.  Or as someone else suggested think if you have any friends who either lost parents young or at least aren’t currently in the process of losing them to talk to.  It’s fine to want to grieve or talk or vent; it’s not fine to disrespect or undermine your DH’s grief.  He can be lucky to have had loving parents for a long time and still be sad.[/quote]

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