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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ok so just a note that this stuff happen with boys, but everyone is so quick to label it "mean girl" that it often gets ignored.

Kids are sometimes jerks. Please don't boil this down to queen bee nonsense.  It *COULD* be that, but it most likely is a 5/6 year old kid feeling overwhelmed at school.

Does your DD have friends who do enjoy her?  Great, focus on them.  Have a smaller party without the mean girl (but not everyone BUT her) and just help support your DD having friends.[/quote]

I know what you are going for here, but I will politely disagree. The exclusion stuff does not happen with boys at this age, at least not as frequently. Boys in early elementary tend to do a lot of group play and there is way less focus on "best friends", which just means there are fewer opportunities to exclude or to compete over friends. It can happen some, but usually the solution is "let's just all play together" and except in rare instances, that's the end of it. Girls do more 1:1 play. Also, it's hard to say whether the best friend thing is something the kids push or parents push on them, but it's definitely real. My DD's K class had three sets of "best friends" -- their parents did lots of 1:1 playdates, they would dress alike on twin day, they gravitated towards each other during all free play times. It was really hard on the other girls (my DD included) because it's like it just eliminates friend options for them because all the girls are "taken".

And I totally agree with PPs that when you see overt exclusion or teasing, it's almost always from kids with older siblings -- they are mimicking their sibling. Who is often in 2nd/3rd/4th grade and absolutely is in the thick of these mean girl behaviors. They don't "feel overwhelmed" -- they are imitating learned behaviors that are negative and socially unkind.

I would never write off a kid for any of this stuff (in K or in older grades). Like I said -- learned behaviors. But I also wouldn't write off the behavior. Mean girl dynamics are real and we have to address them. Because you know what is overwhelming at school? Having no friends because one or two girls told everyone else you're "weird". Or developing friendships and then being told you aren't allowed to have those friends anymore because another girl says so. This stuff happens constantly among girls, not boys. We have to actually address it and not pretend it isn't happening or that boys and girls are having the same experiences. They aren't.[/quote]

+10000. Have 2 older boys and a toddler girl, and am already seeing vastly different friendship behaviors among the girl cohort in preschool.   [/quote]

And another thing: boy, do I hate twin day. I had a "best friend" as a little girl, so it is not a bad association for me personally. But I despise the desperate scramble every time there is a twin day at school. [/quote]

I don’t understand why twin day exists. For kids with a best buddy, they could dress the same whenever they wanted. For kids without one, it’s very stressful. Every year I’m like “why is this a thing? What does it have to do with school spirit?” I don’t get it.[/quote]

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