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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "Husband throws temper tantrums "
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Be careful of anyone who makes you responsible for their emotions or actions. You made me cry. You made me yell. You made me angry. You made me throw this. You made me leave or give you the silent treatment. You made me feel the way I do. You made me act the way I do. Anyway who externalizes responsiblity for their own emotional responses and reactions and subsequent actions is unable to be a healthy partner as they see their emotional state and actions as intrinsically tied to their partner, were they are just a passive reactor without agency or personal control or responsibility. [/quote] I agree, but I want to stress this wouldn't apply when a victim is drawing boundaries with an abuser. It is perfectly OK to say, I am walking away because you are calling me names. I only point this out because I've seen it happen where the abuser gaslights? (not sure if that's exactly it) by saying see you say I make you do things all the time![/quote] They LOVE when you walk away and leave the issue unresolved. They win if you walk off, They win if they turn a “discussion” into an argument. They win because you were trying to find a solution and resolve a conflict, and they take everything as a personal attack, attack back and yell at you. So sure, walk away. Then next time, don’t ask. Soon you are doing everything or things are falling through the cracks left and right and Temper Tantrum Boy is left alone to do whatever he wishes. That’s Power and Control. Doing whatever the F you want all the time. [/quote] PP here. In these instances, there is no issue other than what Temper Tantrum Boy (I love it) has decided is the problem, and YOU WILL LISTEN TO HIM HARANGUE YOU. The thing is, the victim just needs to be alone to do what they wish and walking away enables that.[/quote]
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