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[quote=Anonymous]OP, you should read this article:

"When My Father Died, I Discovered the Unmentionable Stage of Mourning: Relief"
https://www.washingtonpost.com/magazine/2022/12/05/when-my-father-died-i-discovered-unmentionable-stage-mourning-relief/

I could relate. I loved my mother very much and until about seven years ago, I'd have said we had a great relationship. She lived near me, my kids and I saw her multiple times a week, she often came to dinner parties I hosted, came on vacation with us, etc.

Then her health began to decline, and she started losing her lifelong battle with alcohol and depression. She developed dementia. Her physical, mental and cognitive health deterioriated dramatically and (as often happens with dementia) her personality changed drastically. She became abusive and mean, both to her health aides and to family members. It was awful. I still saw her almost every day, but I became her caregiver and it almost killed me. Seeing my beloved mother turn into a miserable, nasty person was horrible, and doing things like changing the diapers of someone who shouts at you the whole time is... not much fun.

So: did I love my mother? Absolutely. Did I love the person she became? Nope.

She died last year. I miss the person she used to be, terribly. I do not miss the person she became, and the person she used to be would have loathed the person she became.[/quote]

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