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[quote=Anonymous]My mother stayed married to my raging alcoholic, abusive father over 50 years because “he was a great provider” and “where else could she go” as a then young mom of 5 with only a high school education?

I spent my childhood anxious, depressed and struggling because my mom decided to live a lie: that she was a happy housewife raising 5 well-adjusted, incredibly smart and attractive DC in comfort and luxury.  She had escaped her middle of nowhere hometown and now could live as she had only daydreamed.

We were expected to be impeccably dressed, exceedingly polite and never seek recognition or attention and to always project benign happiness. Absolutely stifling. No sports or interests or activities because our secret would be out.

Most painful was that every summer, mom treated herself to a solo vacation to visit friends and family in spectacular destinations and she’d leave us behind with our abuser - our alcoholic dad who used this coveted time away from her to go on benders. One night, he didn’t come home. We were terrified. Yet she’d return home with souvenirs and stories and never ask how we were.

Still dealing with my long widowed mom who continues her narcissistic, idealized view. Medication and therapy has helped me.

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