Reply to Wife Wants To Be A SAHM

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I truly don't understand why men and women don't discuss this before marriage? Please help me understand why you guys didn't have this discussion?

THere was an amazing conversation in tech twitter last year about men open expressing they have no desire to be a breadwinner.

[/quote]

What? Men can’t bring it up safely while dating. You come off as a 50s Neanderthal. Many women don’t think about SAH, thinking of having it all and the education and career they built, but then when they get home they have that tiny baby who seems defenseless and can’t imagine leaving them.

There is often no fruitful pre marriage counseling. MAYBE… women can filter for even higher paying DH, to insure against all eventualities, but I think most women filter for as high income as they can nowadays. [/quote]

I did not think I would want to stay home with my kids. I thought SAHMs were lazy or bad at their careers. I don’t think Dh would ever marry a woman whose goal in life was to stay home and I would not have married a guy who would want a stay at home wife. We decided together that it would be best for our family for me to stay home and we did not decide this until we had our second child.[/quote]

Same here.  I would have laughed in your face if you said I would end up as a SAHM while dating/engaged.  I wanted to juggle working and a baby…until I held the baby in my arms and everything changed and I couldn’t imagine leaving her.  This is one of those things where sure, if the man absolutely cannot imagine being a sole provider, he should bring that up.  But also the couple just needs to be compatible enough, and flexible in how they handle disagreements, for a marriage to work.  Things change as you progress in a marriage throughout life’s milestones like parenthood.[/quote]

Pp here. If you asked any guy I dated in my 20s, they would be surprised I am home with the kids. I dated a guy who was slightly older and told him I wouldn’t even want to take the full maternity leave and be back at work as soon as my body allowed, at maybe two weeks. My college boyfriend told me I was not wife material. He didn’t think I had maternal instincts. I didn’t think babies were cute. I thought toddlers at restaurants were annoying and their doting parents were even worse. Now I love babies and toddlers. I didn’t know how much having a baby would change me.[/quote]

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