Reply to If you’re a mommy martyr, what’s behind it?

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[quote=Anonymous]No need to be a martyr. I have always prioritized being a mom over anything else because my kids give me the most joy. So motherhood is amazing and I wanted to also enjoy whatever choices I made regarding WOH or SAH. I also wanted a great marriage and a home that was a haven for all family members.  I have posted on another thread and I am copying and pasting it here.  This was a response in how to be a SAHM.

This is opposite of being a martyr  as most will agree. However, being a martyr many times is your own perspective.  If you are happy in your life then you are not a martyr.

[quote=Anonymous]I have been a SAHM for the last 20 years. My advice for transitioning successfully to being a SAHM is below.  YMMV

1) Finances
Make sure that your financial future is rock solid secure.  I do not have a prenup, I manage all the money, we own everything jointly, I also have my own money, I have put away money in trust for our kid's education, college, wedding, seed money to help with house purchase etc.  I have managed the wealth that we have built up. Make sure your retirement is on track.   Make sure you have lots of insurance so that you are never ever forced to go back to work in case of your spouse's death or disability due to financial reasons  Make sure that you do not become poor due to divorce or DH losing his job.  Two working spouses is a whole lot of financial security for the family and if you are now dependent on a single salary then you have to be very smart financially.

2) Chores
If you have the money (and because you have a large brood), please continue to outsource the domestic chores.  You want your children to benefit from having an educated mother like you home, then the best use of your time for all of you is when you are managing rather than when you are a worker bee doing chores.  This also takes care of any resentment that you may harbor towards your DH for not being hands-on, and it frees up the weekends for your spouse so that he can spend time with the kids.

3) Childcare and enrichment
Yes, continue with the Montessori, preschool, gym classes,  mommy and me classes etc.  It keeps the children engaged and it will give you breaks and space/time for planning and organizing.  And if you ever return to work or are incapacitated or unavailable - you will have a structure for childcare and your kids will be used to having other caregivers.

4) Your health
Get all your checkups, eat nutritious food, get enough sleep and exercise first thing in the morning.

5) Your family's health
Get them all on a schedule and at the very least get all their wellness visits done in the first 2 months of the year to meet all and any deductibles. Make sure that your DH and you are in the best of health. Health should be a priority.

6) Keep your feet in the door in your field
Whatever very part time way you can be engaged in your industry, keep the doors open. One day you may decide to go back to work.

7) Declutter your house, organize your stuff, keep paperwork current, go minimalistic with possessions.   
You cannot be a super anything if your health sucks and if you have  a cluttered house.

8) Socialize, call people over, have a streamlined plan to have people over, simplify your entertaining and make it formulaic. 
No need to become all IGworthy and to do a lot of fancy activities. Just keep calling people over for playdates, coffee, pizza dinners, cocktails etc.  You need to build your tribe.

9) Have a weekly menu.  Have a daily, weekly chore list.  Then get it done. 
Simplify, simplify.

10) Nail down the first 2 hours of the day for yourself and your kids. 
Yes. First two hours of the day will determine how the rest of your day will unfold for you and your kids.  Nail that shit down and make sure that everyone knows what needs to be done.

11) Get dressed. Get out. 
Every day if you can help it.  You and your kids need to get dressed first thing in the morning.  It is very, very, very easy to get into a funk and things to spiral down.

12) Therapy
Have a therapist on standby. You may need help in navigating your new identity as your old identity gets erased. It is hard when people think you have no brains because you are home with your kids.  Get a therapist, take meds if you are depressed, get exercising, get a life coach if needed. [/quote][/quote]

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