Reply to Relatives' lack of interest in my father who had cognitive issues. Is this normal?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thanks everyone for your replies. A few observations.
Some of you read my posts and concluded that I didn't do anything for my father when he was ill. Wrong. From afar I did the following:

- Found a nurse to come to his house, twice a day

- Found aides to come to his house 3 times a week, to do cooking, washing dishes, laundry, ironing, make his bed, some cleaning, etc.

- Found window cleaners.

- Found a place for his beloved cat to stay when he had to stay in hospital.

- Talked to my father on the phone most days and visited every 4-6 weeks, or more often when needed. During visits DH & I cleaned his house, got groceries, dealt with admin, took him to the barbers, doctors, pharmacy, ATM, etc. And kept him company of course.

- Kept close relatives informed. Not daily or weekly, but regularly.

The problem was that my father canceled the aides without telling me. He just rang the agency and canceled the service. Twice! He didn't want them back. Admittedly they weren't very punctual ...

My father also had a cleaner for a while but they had an argument because she started working only 3 out the 4 hours they had agreed on but she took the money for 4 hours! I couldn't persuade him to get a new cleaner ...

I never, ever expected any relative to become my father's full-time or part-time carer, of course not (!) but it would have been helpful to my father and to me if they had checked in on him, say once a week, given that they lived close. Either in person or just by a telephone call.

I never regret moving 300 miles away. I had my parents' full blessing. But there's only so much one can do from afar.

[/quote]

It was not their responsibility just because you chose not to live close. It was YOURS, as his child.

But this perseveration on blaming others after FOURTEEN YEARS is wildly unhealthy. Take the energy you’re using to post multiple excuse-making replies and use it to find a list of therapists online that you can start calling tomorrow when their offices open.[/quote]

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