Reply to Relatives' lack of interest in my father who had cognitive issues. Is this normal?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thanks everyone for your replies. A few observations.
Some of you read my posts and concluded that I didn't do anything for my father when he was ill. Wrong. From afar I did the following:

- Found a nurse to come to his house, twice a day

- Found aides to come to his house 3 times a week, to do cooking, washing dishes, laundry, ironing, make his bed, some cleaning, etc.

- Found window cleaners.

- Found a place for his beloved cat to stay when he had to stay in hospital.

- Talked to my father on the phone most days and visited every 4-6 weeks, or more often when needed. During visits DH & I cleaned his house, got groceries, dealt with admin, took him to the barbers, doctors, pharmacy, ATM, etc. And kept him company of course.

- Kept close relatives informed. Not daily or weekly, but regularly.

The problem was that my father canceled the aides without telling me. He just rang the agency and canceled the service. Twice! He didn't want them back. Admittedly they weren't very punctual ...

My father also had a cleaner for a while but they had an argument because she started working only 3 out the 4 hours they had agreed on but she took the money for 4 hours! I couldn't persuade him to get a new cleaner ...

I never, ever expected any relative to become my father's full-time or part-time carer, of course not (!) but it would have been helpful to my father and to me if they had checked in on him, say once a week, given that they lived close. Either in person or just by a telephone call.

I never regret moving 300 miles away. I had my parents' full blessing. But there's only so much one can do from afar.

[/quote]

It is not their job to check on his and endure nasty behavior. I think you are downplaying that. You do not understand from afar what that is like because they save their worst behavior for those closest. Before you accept your Gold medal for hiring people, you need to really process what was going on and how ungracious you are when it comes to relatives. The abusive behavior can get pretty bad and no you have no idea if you weren't there. They have a right to set a boundary and decide no more. Unless you were living there and experiencing the full amount of poor behavior you have no right to judge. If you cannot thank them for what they did rather than judging them for finally saying enough it enough, then you really need to do some soul searching[/quote]

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