Reply to Pre-marriage due diligence checklist

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[quote=Anonymous]Rather than questions, observe behavior.

How does your potential future mate interact with their family? Are there feelings of guilt and obligation? Does your partner place parents’ needs over your needs or their own needs? Is their family of origin high conflict or conflict avoidant? Having a difficult family isn’t a deal breaker if someone has examined that (with therapy) and has healthy boundaries.

Do you trust your partner deeply? My spouse and I have both ended up having temporary medical conditions that have required we help each other with injectable prescriptions. It takes a lot of vulnerability, trust, and willingness to take care of each other to get through illness, but chances are that we’ll all end up temporarily or permanently experiencing some level of disability as we age. A lot of women end up with stoic men who are good providers but who lack any sort of sensitivity toward their emotional needs.

How does your potential mate prioritize work? There are no wrong answers, only compatibility issues. Are you ok trading off quality time for income, or is it more important that your spouse has a career track and boundaries that allow for quality time together when needed. If your mate has already chosen big law or medicine as a career, are you comfortable that it will take away from family time, even at holidays and life milestones?[/quote]

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