Reply to Furious Wife, Privacy Breached

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[quote=Anonymous]New poster here.  OP, if it were me, I would cut your DH some slack and try and talk through this with him.  But, that's because I'm coming from a different place from you, and think I may be more like your DH than you.  I don't really give a rat's ass if my DH looks through my emails.  I don't have any private correspondence that I would worry about him seeing.  Maybe that's wierd, but, it's true.  But I do struggle w/ trust issues, even after 8 great years with him, knowing he is a loyal, wonderful man.  Before DH, I was in a long-term relationship with someone who lied a lot and carried on lots of "borderline" relationships w/ female "friends" (very flirty, some covert, and several probably crossed the line--I'll never know for sure, or how far, b/c he lied about them to the end).  Point being, my trust was breached in the past, and even though I know my DH is SO not my ex, sometimes in my weaker moments doubts seeded from past experiences (and probably from age old family issues) *do* creep back in.  Indeed I have looked through my DH's emails before, at times like that.  Not often, but twice in 7 years, I have done it.  And both times I felt like absolute sh*t.  And told him about it.  And aplologized.  And felt like an ass.  And we've talked about it.  He doesn't like it, but he knows of my past experience and he gets it.  And undoubtedly, when that has happened, something else has been festering in the background of our life/relationship that we needed to talk about.  We finally unearth it, talk it out, and things are fine again.  All that to say, does your DH have trust issues from long ago that he still struggles with, even if your marriage is, for the most part, strong?  If so (or even if not so), it could be your admitting your "honest attraction" to the other guy is really challenging for him, and stokes those fires, even if he truly wishes he didn't have the responses he does, which prompt him to snoop.  That would be my reaction, for one, even if I totally get the fact that "honest attractions" are normal and will happen in life.  I'm not saying that this excuses your DH's behavior, just trying to put a perspective out there from someone who has  :oops: done the same in the past.  Embarressing, but true.  What has helped us is to basically just keep an open book, w/ no passwords on emails, etc.  That's the antithesis of what it was like w/ my ex, who was the king of covert, and by taking that route, it diffuses much.  The rest I need to keep workign on myself.  Just another perspective, for what it's worth.  [/quote]

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