Reply to DS doesn't want to return to college in a few weeks. What can we do??

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I really think you need to let your adult son make his own life choices. I think you should try to relax, maybe get some therapy for a place to vent and get perspective. If he takes one year off, staying rent free should be okay, but maybe set some limits like you will pay for his schooling if he returns in a year, but if he stays out longer he needs to pay rent or move out and needs to contribute a certain portion of his $$ to his future schooling.

I also think it is fine if your younger son wants to work in a restaurant for awhile.

The tone of your post sounded very controlling. If your DH thinks you are out of line, and you think you are the only sane one, you have a marriage problem too.

[/quote]

This is pretty much exactly what I what would have written if I'd gotten here a bit earlier. I left college for apparently different reasons than your son, and my parents responded pretty much exactly as you're describing. Being cast out on my own wasn't what I needed at the time (yes, my mom won that battle), although it turned out okay because of friends who helped me find affordable housing and a decent job. But it was really difficult to have my mother turn her back on me when I needed to get my feet on the ground. Sure, there needs to be a time limit set on your willingness to support him, as mentioned above, as well as clear expectations for where things need to go if he's going to keep living with you. But a year of leeway will give him some space to sort out his thoughts and figure out where he wants to go with his life. Maybe you'll even decide to talk with him about why he's making the decision and will find out that your assumptions aren't totally on the mark.

By the way, I went on to complete my bachelor's degree and also get a professional degree, and I view the time I took off as critical to my development. I am happy I did it and have no doubts.[/quote]

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