Reply to Found alcohol- about to bring it up to my DH

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'd say nothing and incognito mark how much is left now. Every day I'd check to see if any is missing. When it gets empty say hey I saw it took you 2 days to finish off that vodka, what gives? Do you need help?  Or it took you 6 months to finish off that vodka why didn't you just tell me you wanted some instead of hiding it?[/quote]

This. I did this with my now exDH.  If I had asked him about his drinking before I marked the bottles and monitored, he would have just minimized it and hid his problem deeper.  As it was, I marked the bottles very discreetly and monitored (including the garbage and number of bottles present/missing daily.  I also looked more closely at joint credit card receipts, which showed he was buying stuff at the liquor store but not bringing it home.  Before I confronted him about his clear drinking problem, I also searched the house thoroughly from top to bottom (luckily we have a small house).  I found a number of other things he was hiding.

I know I will get flamed about “violating his trust,” but he had already lied to me about something major.  Also, IMO, secret drinking is the thing that violates breaks the trust, not keeping eyes wide open as to surroundings.

When I asked my DH about the drinking, I did not disclose everything I knew, just enough to ask about the problem and then, when he responded in a gaslighting way, a bit more to show that I knew his gaslighting was a lie.

YMMV
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