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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
Op. Tuesday morning I couldn’t sleep so I got up and was doing some work in his living room. I went to reach for a glass of water and knocked a bag of potato chips on the floor upside down so they spilled. I picked them all up but it was dark and I must have missed a few. Plus it was the middle of the night so I couldn’t go dig around for a vacuum. Anyway I fell back asleep and forgot about it until last night when he mentioned that I didn’t pick them up. I was trying to make the point that I hadn’t intentionally left the chips behind, I had tried to clean them up as best I could in the dark at 4am. He said I was making excuses because I’ve also left bowls on the counter after eating, left teeshirts behind at his place, etc.[/quote]

OP, the only fair way to deal with a problem is in the moment. Dredging up past “transgressions” says so much more about the person making the complaint than the person who made a supposed error. Here’s what a normal reaction to the chips would look like: “Oh hey, looks like there’s a bit of a mess in the living room. Could you be sure to tackle that when you get a moment?” Then the person would walk away confident that their partner would take care of it. Same thing with dishes. Everyone has different standards about whether leaving them in the sink or counter is ever ok, how quickly they get done, etc. If things aren’t the way you want, you make a simple “I need” statement without anger and then tell you partner how they can fulfill that need: “I don’t like dishes left in the sink, so I’d appreciate if you could help me by putting things directly into the dishwasher.” It’s unhinged to get rage-y about stuff like this, especially days later. With a man like that, you’d always be walking on eggshells; there’s never a way to avoid every possible “mistake” in the mind of a person like this.[/quote]

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