Reply to Helping DS, 8, make peace with not being one of the popular boys.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I just wrote about my rising 3rd grader and the “popular boy” dynamic. I am shocked at all the parents criticizing OP for describing it or her son for noticing it.

My kid would not use the word popular or even know what that meant - but I instantly knew what OP meant. She used the phrases she chose to convey an idea to adults who can see what is going on.

My kid in in Cub Scouts, baseball, and swim team. There are definitely a core group of boys in his grade who are stronger athletes and/or more outgoing and likely to suggest and lead a game when they have free time. These kids are fun and other kids want to be in the group playing with them. The kids have started to notice who always hits the ball or who makes good plays during a game. My kid would never say “I feel left out” or “I want to be popular” - but he is starting to realize that not all kids like the same things or act the same way. He sees that many boys his age do like the same things (Pokémon, playing team sports) and that he prefers other things (making art, reading books). He senses that he’s different and he’s trying to make sense of that.

I don’t see anything wrong with OP’s concern for her son. It’s hard to watch your kid try to be something they are not or to be disappointed that they are not the preferred friend.

OP - I think the best thing we can do it try to see our kids for who they are and help them balance activities that include the “popular kids” with activities where they can be their true selves and meet peers who get them. For a long time I did not encourage what is a very strong friendship between my son and his 3 close friends who are girls - dragon loving, Minecraft obsessed girls, but still girls. When I finally embraced it and stopped forcing play dates with boys, I saw how happy he is with these girls and how he seems so relaxed and at ease in a way he is not with other kids. [/quote]

I think it would have been different if OP described it this way, but those are the words she SAYS her son is using and that's honestly hard to believe.[/quote]

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