Reply to If you forgave infidelity, how did you do it?

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Reply to "If you forgave infidelity, how did you do it?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'd read Esther Perel's books as a start.[/quote]

please don't. She's an affair apologist and implies the marriage or the BS, had something to do with it. [/quote]
Your comment proves you've never read any of her work.[/quote]

Agree. I don’t think she is an apologist. I think she looks objectively at why people have affairs. Not an easy read if you’re the betrayed spouse, but if you can read it from the vantage point of understanding (despite entirely agreeing) then it is of value. [/quote]

She accepts them and legitimizes them. For sure there are reasons why people have affairs and they happen. No one is denying this and it's good to have someone give that perspective. But she is constantly taking the view of the perpetrator and not the victim. So it's one sided. Basically a help for the perpetrator. As a victim I don't find her helpful. My abuser cheated repeatedly despite us actively working to start anew. It was just all lies. Plain and simple. And she doesn't legitimize that some people want both the affair and the marriage and will lie continuously to do so. And how this affects the other spouse. None of that is discussed. So sure if you are an offender and want to actually work on your marriage and not lie she's the woman for you, but that isn't who we are talking about here.[/quote]

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