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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here- Thank you all for your advice and sympathy. It truly means a lot. I thought I'd get a ton of hate bc I choose to have this many kids and I have a nanny. I already feel re-energized reading the comments that are literally the same thoughts going through my head every night so I feel less crazy about my life and options.

A few things I wanted to clear up- not working isn't an option. That would only deepen my resentment. Being a full time SAHM would be harder than my current situation at least with the nanny I can nap when I'm desperate. My job could not be more family friendly, you dont just quit this type of job and think that it will be waiting for you.

Another thing about hiring more childcare is that 1. We would have to stop saving for retirement which I am sort of ok doing temporarily if our current nanny agrees to more hours. She's an absolute angel so I dont want to burn bridges with her. 2) Safety- the twins are almost 2 and my oldest DS is in K. They are super rambunctious, high energy boys. Not to be dramatic but not that many people can handle kids these ages safely. I know because I have tried and there have been accidents. I cannot handle one more thing. When the twins are 3 I'd feel more comfortable with other childcare options like an aupair.

With therapy and further negotiations, I can suck this up for maybe 6months- a year. If my husband leaves this job, the company is sold and he misses the payout that would be the end for us. He would never forgive me. [b]He even says now that he got this far bc he didnt listen to me and that his next position will be even more rewarding. [/b]

First I am going to negotiate his work hours while he is at home, 6pm is the cutoff and he can log on again when the kids are in bed.

Also now, I feel like traveling is part of his identity. He loves to tell people that he's on a red eye or what he new restaurant he tried or that he'll be in London next week. The whole process of packing, airports etc brings him joy. I get it. That was me prior to having kids. I introduced him to travel. I just stupidly thought that it was obvious that now with 3 kids it was over until they are more independent. I am not saying that I never want him to travel for work. I could manage a very short monthly trip but it's the last minute 1-2 week trips that are killing me.

But again thank you especially to those of you with multiples that have been where I am. I have a lot of options to consider and I have already told my DH that I am fully off duty tonight and this weekend. I will seek individual therapy for myself  then couples therapy so I know how to best approach this. In my heart, I do not want a divorce at this time.
[/quote]

Wow. He really doubled down on being an asshole.[/quote]

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