Reply to How did you not kill each other during the baby years?!

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I am so sorry you are going through this and feeling this way, and please know that it's totally normal! Someone mentioned making a to do list, and while only you know if that's something that your husband will react well to, I will say it did wonders for my husband and I when were in a very similar spot to you. But don't just make a list for him, make a list of all the things you do, too, so he really sees it all laid out -- I think this really helps with things seeming fair/equitable/whatever. If you've read anything about "mental load" you'll probably also feel better (or at least less alone) in knowing that you're doing a lot more than you or your husband thinks. And break things down into specific tasks as much as you can, too. At least for me, if I just said my husband is "in charge of the dishes" that means he would put them in the dishwasher, maybe run it, but then he definitely wouldn't unload the dishwasher. Spell. Everything. Out. People on here are going to say you and I should have married men who take initiative, are attentive, blah blah blah, and while I wish my husband was more of these things sometimes, the reality is he needs instruction for me to not want to kill him at this point in our lives and I'd rather make a stupid list than keep pondering divorce. Good luck!! If it's helpful, here's what part of our list looks like:

Household Stuff
Putting stuff in laundry – Mom
Folding laundry – Dad
Trash/recycling – Dad
Grocery store – Both
Washing bottles – Mom
Meal prep/cooking – Dad
Clean up after meals – Mom
Put dishes in dishwasher – Mom
Empty dishwasher – Dad
Car maintenance/repairs (as needed) – Dad
House maintenance/repairs (as needed) – Dad
Managing health insurance/FSA (as needed) – Dad
Vacuuming (weekly) - Mom
Clean bathrooms (weekly) - Mom
Clean kitchen (weekly) - Dad
Dusting (weekly) - Dad
[/quote]

This plus take shifts at night (everyone gets at least 4 uninterrupted hours of sleep). And if he’s not going to do stuff like food shop, rely on takeout and grocery delivery. No need to pressure yourself with shopping and cooking right now.[/quote]

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