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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]When did you start trying to be a good MIL? When they get engaged, got married or earlier once you felt they are in a serious relationship? [b]I don't care to get involved[/b] unless there is a ring but my sister who is a beloved MIL to three DILs says it starts from first meeting, its too late if its already official. How did you handle this difficult mission, " How not to be a bad MIL?". Our Indian community is filled with difficult MILs and new generation of MILs need to end this tradition. [/quote]

I think you should start here and rethink the idea all together.  You aren't getting involved in something rather your son is.  You are not an extension of your son.  The only time I could see needing to become involved is if you truly believe she became abusive and your son was unable to get away.

Treat any girlfriend or friend that he brings over as you would want to be treated. With kindness and respect.  No need to go over board or find out every single detail of her life from the get go.

If you are in the US, realize that Americans don't put the same emphasis or concern on things such as where a girlfriend's family is from, if the girlfriend brings the right gift over, or if she can clean or cook (read these boards - Americans are big into outsourcing this stuff so it's not considered impressive). Sure these kind of things might get gossiped about but no one talks about these as bringing shame to a family for example.

Believe and accept that your son might be a jerk sometimes and might be wrong.

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