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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you treat the girlfriend badly, don’t expect that she will ever let you close when she becomes the wife. My MIL was quite nasty to me pretty much the whole time we dated, in part because she had a hard time with her only child being in a serious relationship and in part because I am not what she imagined in her family (culture/ethnicity/religion). Her reaction to our engagement was a long sigh and then silence.

When we got married, she magically flipped a switch and was all “I love you! You’re like a daughter to me!” Uh, no thanks, lady. I had 5+ years of seeing your real feelings towards me. I will always be civil and welcoming when you visit, but anything resembling closeness or love is off the table permanently. [/quote]

I had the same experience. My MIL called my now DH after she meet me and said she didn’t think I was right for him and essentially, he could do better. I was at his apartment with him when she called and talked with him. It was a LONG phone call. This was after Christmas, I had bought them a lovely gift from their home state, apparently they didn’t expect me to give them something so MIL found a glass vase she had and gave that to me. My DH told me about the phone conversation since I had been there and it took a long time. We spent a few weeks apart and ended up getting back together. During that time she never called me, she didn’t even have my number. The day after we got engaged she sent me a text congratulating me and how excited she was to have me in the family. I’m cordial with her, but I can’t help to wonder what she really thinks of me.  [/quote]

This seems kindof crappy on your part too. It's ok for her to initially feel like you weren't the right one initially. You have no idea what your DH was saying about you to her without you around.  It's ok for her not to call you while you were dating. After the engagement she reached out and instead of giving her a chance to do right by you, you rebuffed her. Where is your culpability in this?

It's always on the MIL to follow all these imaginary rules and boundaries and social requirements but the DIL gets away with being any way they want without consequence. Call/don't call, invite/don't invite, be helpful/helping too much.... It's like MIL can't slip up in the least.  I expect an adult to have several serious relationships in their lifetime. You can't possibly invest in each one like they will be your future DIL/SIL.[/quote]
You can’t take back some words and actions. MIL should have been more discreet.[/quote]

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