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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]NP. Really common, and much more horrible than people who haven't been through it can imagine.

I drew the line at my mother putting other people at risk of losing their lives, given that they hadn't agreed to this. Fir me, that's when you are in an apartment building or other connected space, and you are habitually causing fire risks by leaving the burners on, or smoking cigarettes at the same time you are on supplemental oxygen and falling asleep with the tank just a foot or two away.

I loved her. I tried to be there and not change her, since she wasn't going to change. But I got rid of the cigarettes and kept getting rid of them, and I had the gas shut off to the apartment. It was the best I could do.

My big shame is that her death brought this intense waive of relief -- whatever I had done wrong or decided poorly, there were now no mistakes left to make. It was over. And I wasn't glad she was dead, but I was so incredibly glad that I couldn't get more wrong anymore.[/quote]

I think this taboo topic is more common than we think. Only here will I admit when my mother passes I will be relieved. No more emergencies. No more rants and tantrums. No more worrying about caregivers abusing or stealing or being abused by mom. No more family members who don't get it jumping in with suggestions and commands. No more wondering if I will walk into a gruesome scene where a caregiver didn't show and mom fell down the steps she should not use anymore. No more wondering when this will end so I can give my all to my kids and husband. No more abuse, guilt, manipulation, gaslighting and nightmares.[/quote]

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