Reply to Should I Talk to My Family About Conflict With My Brother?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You want your parents to pick a side. Your side. And they won't because you are both equally at fault. They aren't even on his side. You sound very immature. Grow up.[/quote]

I am honestly trying to take in the constructive criticism and learn, but I don't understand what you mean by "Grow up".

I am trying to be mature. My brother chooses to make hurtful comments, accuse me of being wrong in a million different ways, and no amount of conversation with him will change this. I can't keep putting up with being treated so badly. I thought the emotionally mature thing to do would be to disengage.

I[b] told my parents that I am willing to come to family events and be polite, but I just cannot keep trying to have a close relationship with him. They are insisting that we make up, and are faulting me for the whole situation. [/b]

He is completely fine continuing the relationship as it is (he insults me, I have to just deal with it), and also blames me for not wanting to play ball.

What exactly are my right next steps here?
[/quote]

Disengaging is fine, and a mature way to handle it.  But you didn't stop there.  You told your parents, which *obviously* will cause a further issue.  And now you have a separate issue with them, and with him.  That it the literal opposite if disengaging.  And also the opposite of mature - you, as a grown woman, running to your parents, and then getting all twisted up over their reaction.

Now that you've created a separate issue, you have to deal with it.  If you are intent on placating your parents, deal with your brother for 6 more months, and then quietly start to disengage again.

Or, tell your brother once more that he needs to stop insulting and criticizing you.  He's entitled to his opinions about you, but he isn't entitled to harangue you with them.   When he (inevitably) does, just tell him yo're hanging up, and do it.  Don't fall into a discussion about your bad habits, just hang up.  Do this as often as necessary.  Either he'll get it, or he won't, and your interaction will taper off to an acceptable level.  [/quote]

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