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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]When your instincts tell you something you have to listen.  They truly are another sense.  If you think something is off there’s a reason you feel that way.  Is the tutor from a country that is known for women trying to land US citizenship through relationships?  I’m actually surprised they’re doing tutoring sessions in person, I’d assume they’d all be done over Zoom.  My work still isn’t back to in person meetings.[/quote]

This. OP has the best resource right at hand. Her gut. If nothing felt off to her…nothing would feel off to her.  I think we fail to listen to our bodies way more than we admit …or we simply don’t admit that our bodies have useful information for us. She could still be wrong, of course, maybe it is just a great hobby. But if her guy is telling her that something is wrong she should listen to it and figure out what it is that is wrong.[/quote]

And when you experience gaslighting and you really want to trust and believe (because the alternative is too horrifying), you ignore your gut and cling to the plausible scenarios and excuses your spouse provides.  What is worse that most people that know you and your spouse want to comfort you, so they will tell you that you are crazy for thinking that.  "Oh he/she would never do that".

OP, another tactic is that they will make a joke about a situation that is really happening like it is such a far-flung chance of being real that we can joke and laugh about it.   [/quote]

Omg- so true!! I used to have a running bit about my ex’s skanky mistress from Gaithersburg.  Joke about what she’d settle for or if he was late “oh tell Amber I said ‘hi’.  Turns out he really had a f”””king mistress- only she was from Rockville/N.Bethesda, but was just as skanky. Lol.  You can’t make some of this sh@t up.  I later found from my therapist this is a common tactic expert gaslighters use and in betrayed support boards- many mention stuff like this.

It really is a mind warp.  Some real sick sh@t to do that to someone.[/quote]

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