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[quote=Anonymous]I have a problem with yelling, and I actually find that a couple things help.

(1) As much as possible, I talk MORE quietly when I'm starting to get mad.  My kids pay more attention and because I'm more in control, they stay more in control.

(2) I say less.  At most, they get one explanation of why they have to do something (we skip this if it's something that's well-established), and then I just say, "Shoes," or "Teeth," or whatever.

(3) I minimize warnings.  We used 1-2-3 Magic, and even now, when I start counting, my kids will, however begrudgingly, comply.  Again, I stay calm when counting, but they know that when I get to 3, there will be a consequence.

(4) I apologize when I lose my temper.  It's a reminder to my kisd and myself that yelling isn't kind or respectful, and helps me commit to doing better -- taking a deep breath, walking away, whatever it takes to stay in control of my anger.

(5) It's also helpful to use humor, games, stories, whatever, to obtain compliance.  Sometimes I exaggerate my reaction to something in a silly way: "Oh, no, there are Legos all over the floor!  I can't vacuum!  Aaaauuuuggggghhhhhh!  What will I do!  Help me!  Somebody help me!" and the kid giggles and runs over and picks them up.

(6) Ignore performative tantrums.  Just walk away.  Without an audience, they go away.  If the kid is legit losing it and genuinely can't control themselves, you can stay, but stay calm, don't talk, just let it roll on by.   Then act like nothing happened and go on as if the tantrum had not occurred.  Don't engage with them, don't talk to the kid while they are happening, and the tantrum never alters your plan.  [/quote]

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