Reply to For those well-meaning social workers

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The problem is that you keep bailing them out. You show up while saying you can’t show up. Moving your parents is an incredibly difficult feat if they do not consent. But showing up means there is no crisis so the social workers have no power.

The problem is your parents, not the social worker. And secondarily, your unwillingness to allow a crisis to occur which would allow a social worker to actually step in, you and your family show up. Your expectations are out of whack. [/quote]

What this person is saying is something I had to learn too...You need to STOP enabling them. By showing up each time, you make it so no crisis forces their hand.I did it for many years. I relate to your rage and frustration. I made myself physically sick.

Forget about the judgment of relatives. You just calmly say your priorities. My child with SN needs me right now/husband is ill/job is overwhelming so I am only able to do y and Z. I hear your concern. What will you be doing to help out?" You have to put up an emotional shield to any guilt trips even the ones in your own mind. You also explain you have no control over your parent. "The experts are respecting their wishes. They are considered of sound mind. Please feel free to try to convince my parents to move to H if you think that is what needed."

You have to have boundaries. Yes, they could die and they would die on their own terms. I had to make peace with that too. Is it such a bad thing for a person to die earlier on their own terms then to do in your own health battling someone to follow your agenda so they can live 4 months, a year and 5 years longer? Stop fearing their death. You must intervene if they are harming others like driving when incapable, but if they want to juggle knives and the experts say they have the mental capacity to make a sound decision and it's legal then you have to let them juggle knives as long as an innocent bystander can't be harmed.[/quote]

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