Reply to Is it a red flag if someone is in therapy?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Just the act of being in therapy is not a red flag at all.

In fact, I think a divorced person who has not done at least some therapy before dating again is a potential red flag depending on circumstances.[/quote]

Moving on without unpacking all of that baggage is no good.  There is likely trauma there.  IF a person was a cheater and didn't go in and get help--no way.  Not having done therapy would be the red flag in that situation.

If a person had a dysfunctional childhood--with alcoholism or cheating or neglect or abuse----no matter how 'adjusted' the same in their 20s, etc--and has not done any therapy.   Huge red flag.  That crap resurfaces midlife in marriage and it isn't pretty.  The red flag there for people that grew up in healthy households with loving parents is not realizing what a huge deal that is and how it can seriously negatively effect the relationship down the road.  It's hard for people that did not experience that kind of stuff to envision how that has damaged someone.  The ones that seem 'perfect', claim it didn't effect them are ripe for the biggest blowup mid-marriage.  And, a lot of behavior directly stems from one of those 'big issue items'.  They learn to lie (to cover for alcoholic parent) and to compartmentalize (to shove that part of their life down from what everyone sees outside the home), with cheating and neglect from a parent/s they can have narcissistic tendencies and need LOTS of external validation in life.

I used to have a pretty blase attitude about people in therapy (barring severe mental illness, depression/bipolar, etc)---but now I see how wrong that was.  So much in life could have been avoided if more people got the help they needed without stigma.[/quote]

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