Reply to Scenes From a Marriage- I was Mira

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I haven’t seen the show, so I can’t comment on that. But an affair is what led me to leave my horrible xH, so I could be with my AP instead. We’re still going strong and I have no regrets. Even if we split up, I wouldn’t regret it.

I am sad for my DC, because my parents divorced and that’s not the childhood I wanted for them. But things are a million times better for us all now that we’re not in a house full of constant stress and tension. DC and new H are best friends, DC has more in common with H than with their dad. [/quote]

Have not seen the show. Was not in your situation but it amazes me that people do not understand that sometimes marriages are really bad and in those cases…there is no aftermath of adultery. The marriage was already horrible. I used to wish my ex husband would have an affair to give me a socially acceptable reason to leave. Eventually I divorced after many years. But if there had been an affair, it would not have mattered whatsoever.[/quote]

I think this is true far more often than not. The affair is a symptom of a deeper problem. If the marriage was truly great and the infidelity was a mistake, most couples work through it [/quote]

I think the opposite. The affair has nothing to do with the marriage. It only has something to do with unresolved issues in the cheater. Like cheating because your wife is caring fir a sick parent and you feel neglected.

These marriages don’t survive because there is nothing to fix in the marriage and most cheaters have to blame the marriage due to their ego,

They break up and the hood spouse just moved on to a quiet drama free life.[/quote]

I’m the PP who left her xH for AP. I think it’s often a combination of both. Our marriage was absolutely awful, and I felt very alone and abandoned. But, I had my own issues, where I couldn’t stand up for myself, and I had let the controlling behavior go on so long that it was impossible to stop it. In retrospect, we never should have married, or I should have divorced long before the affair.

But for sure, it was nothing like caring for a sick parent. I would have been 100% with my H if that was the issue.

I’m not sure what a hood spouse is, but if you mean my xH, he hasn’t gone on to life a drama free life. Quite the opposite, he starts lots of drama. But that’s another story…. [/quote]

Typo (good spouse)

Anyway…. I don’t think you really see this in yourself because you had/have issues.

None of what you wrote caused the affair, your issues did.

If you didn’t have the issues you could have left without the affair. But whatever helps you sleep at night, too bad you missed the opportunity to grow.
[/quote]

Not sure what you mean. I said that in retrospect, I should have left years earlier. But at the time it seemed impossible to do, for various reasons.

Either way, end result is the same. We’re divorced. I’m remarried and very happy. XH is bitter and petty, but would have been that way no matter when or how I left. [/quote]

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