Reply to I don't want to go on vacation with my husband

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DH and I celebrated our 15th anniversary a few months ago, and on our anniversary DH said that we should go on a trip together as our present to each other. I told DH that it would be great if he could plan it, since I typically plan all of our trips, and I would really appreciate him taking that over as his present to me. My slow season at work was coming up, so I told him it would be great timing if we could go away at that time.

A few weeks later I had heard nothing about the trip. I asked him about it and he said that he really didn't know how to go about planning a trip and I should just do it. Basically that consists of me finding a few options and him vetoing them until we can come up with something we can both live with. We booked it, but by that time it was out of our budget for my slow season, so we booked it for a few months later.

Now that the vacation time is approaching, I am not feeling excited about it for many reasons. I feel like there's a lot of pressure for us to "reconnect" on this trip, and that makes me feel stressed about it. I know we have things to work on, especially our dead sex life, but the pressure makes it not seem fun. It's almost awkward being with him alone these days. Not much to talk about other than work, our child and sports.  Work is now much busier for me and there's a lot of preparation I need to do in order to be out, and then I'll have to deal with coming back and picking up the pieces. Our child has been going through a phase of not wanting to stay at grandma and grandpa's, so that news will not go over well. And, of course, my period is predicted to arrive on the day we leave.

DH also may be qualifying for a work-related incentive trip in a few months that's in a location we both love.  I don't have enough leave to go on both, so I'd have to forgo that trip if he qualifies. I can go if we don't go on the upcoming trip.

I know it would be upsetting to DH if I told him how I was feeling, so I probably won't. Maybe it's just anxiety and everything will go much better than I anticipate.  And part of it may be a little bit of resentment that he didn't have any ideas for an anniversary gift so he came up with this idea on the day of our anniversary but he didn't actually put any effort into it and then it ended up falling in my lap. We're not big gift people, but we have given each other gifts on our bigger anniversaries in the past. Yes, technically this is a gift, but it was more like he's been wanting a vacation so it was a good time to have me plan one.

Should I say something to DH or just go ahead with it as planned? Yes, it's a nice problem to have, but I wish I could get excited about it. [/quote]

Tell him how you're feeling and that you'd prefer to go on the other trip if he's offered that.  I would have advised you to go ahead and go and make the best of it and try to reconnect, but your period and the fact that he hasn't taken initiative makes me think you should at least delay/discuss this with him.[/quote]

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