Reply to Making an ADHD kid apologize to the teacher and whole class after a meltdown

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Not PP, but I’d be surprised if the other children were shaken to their core by an outburst in class. Do the students need to read their victim impact statements in front of this girl? It’s such complete overkill.[/quote]

These comments are so weird. Do people need to be “shaken to their core” to deserve an apology? Is an apology the same as “victim impact statements”?

I normally really appreciate this forum specifically but some of these responses are so dismissive and rude. I am the PP who posted earlier about how one reason I’m okay with this is that we do t know how many kids with IEPs are in this class, and there may be kids with anxiety or other issues who could have been really upset by what happened, necessitating a conversation and apology. I don’t get why everyone is assuming that the only person who matters is OP’s DD. I think she matters and deserves to be treated within the specifications of her IEP (which I don’t know). But I also don’t think the other kids are just a faceless audience here. They are kids! And young. Of course this could be upsetting. Sheesh.[/quote]

I’m the PP you quoted and that’s a fair point. It was more in response to the idea that a) an apology the next day is an appropriate consequence for anyone, and b) anything less is letting the kid with a disability off the hook somehow.

I was using some hyperbole, because IME kids move on pretty quickly and this felt a lot more like an adult who needed to prove a point. But you’re right, context is everything.[/quote]

I am the parent of a kid who does not move on quickly, FWIW, and is pretty sensitive to big disruptions during class activity. We are working with her on learning to move on from things more easily and to find ways to handle anxiety that might come from disruptions, especially anything that causes a change in schedule as she really struggles when the class deviates from a set plan. It's challenging.

I don't know for sure a class apology would be the right way to handle, but I would appreciate a teacher thinking about the situation holistically and considering both what OP's DD needs in that moment and also how the outburst could impact other kids and the class dynamic, and look for solutions. A force apology is not the right answer, but I could imagine good solutions that might integrate an apology. For me it would come down to if I trusted the teacher and how my child seemed to feel about it later. Which is why for me, the fact that OP's DD seemed fine with the apology later is significant. I can tell when when school events have caused more anxiety for my kid, even when she says she's okay. If she is convincingly saying something was no big deal, I would probably leave it alone.[/quote]

The kid got upset, ripped paper.  Big deal.  She can apologize to the teacher, but not the entire class.  Real question is what triggered the situation and how did the teacher respond to work with them on preventing this and during.  [/quote]

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