Reply to Making an ADHD kid apologize to the teacher and whole class after a meltdown

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]A lot of folks raising ADHD kids who will never, ever be able to function without a lot of social accommodation. Best of luck to you.

In our house everyone apologizes to each other, especially when one of us has lost control. Adults, children. It's not a punishment. It's a way of acknowledging how our actions impact others and making sure people understand we care about their well being. Whether you have ADHD or depression or anxiety or are just having a bad day or whatever. No one is entitled to yell and rip things up without some accountability.

I would have zero issues with this.[/quote]

Do you have a child with autism who has meltdowns?

I mean, you should charge a million dollars for your miracle therapy of "no one is entitled to yell" and "accountability."  maybe you would even get a nobel prize.

[/quote]

I think the child in question has a diagnosis of adhd. Screaming meltdowns that disrupt the class at school aren’t common with adhd. It may be that op’s child has a further undiagnosed condition that explains the behavior but I don’t think it’s odd for people not to take adhd as sufficient explanation. In any case the class wide apology is bad. Is it maybe a poorly executed restorative justice thing? [/quote]

I am the original PP and yes to this. I think because this is the SN forum, some posters are applying this situation to their own kids who may have ASD. If this child had ASD or Tourets I think I'd be in total agreement. But usually ADHD improves a lot with treatment and no, huge meltdowns are not typical and would be an indication of another issue.

My experience with a typical ADHD kid (not super severe but not a mild case either) is that it's important not to excuse disruptive, rude, or disrespectful behavior with the ADHD. There's a big difference between what OP describes and a behavior like daydreaming in class, being unable to sit still, getting lost in hyper focus when they are supposed to be doing something else, chronic lateness or failure to complete assignments, etc. If a teacher asked my child to apologize to the class for any of that I would be justifiably unhappy. But if my kid yelled and ripped up paper, especially if he did it in a way that was upsetting or frightening for other students, I would have no issue with being asked to be accountable. That's not an acceptable way to manage frustration. I would also hope the teacher would be aware of what is going on and also seek to talk through some of the tools the child has learned or is learning to handle frustration. But an apology in that situation is not "apologizing for his disability" and he wouldn't interpret it that way. It's apologizing for being rude to his classmates and teacher. That's it.[/quote]

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