Reply to Anyone else not care that much about cheating?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As someone who has gone through it, I believe this as well. Cheating is bad, but so are a lot of other things. I think most betrayed partners don’t realize that the cheating doesn’t have anything to do with them. Sexless married guy will chime in that happily married and well sexed men don’t cheat. That’s BS.

In my case, and that of my friends, our spouses cheated because they were broke inside - midlife crisis, addicts, childhood trauma, too much stress, low self-esteem, etc. The cheating was a manifestation of the problems of the cheater. The betrayed spouse wasn’t to blame or the cause.

Once you can bifurcate the pain that you feel as a result of the betrayal from the underlying cause, then you can accept the cheating for what it is - a spouse not being able to deal with their underlying issues. It could have just as easily have been gambling, a new sports car, drinking, partying, workaholic, or extreme exercise. It’s a way to escape from the bad feelings caused by the issues. Love and new sex energy are a drug, and the high they produce make you feel good when you’re normally feeling bad.

My cheating spouse got help and has changed his life. I was crushed after I found out. Once I was able to heal and see things without the cloud of pain hanging over me, I know I had nothing to do with his cheating. [/quote]

I don't see how this matters? I am glad you worked through it, but how does the fact that it has nothing to do with you lead you to agree with OP when they say that "you don't care that much about cheating?"

Sure, a cheater is making bad choices because they are trying to escape their underylying issues. But same goes for people who physically abuse their spouses, or who drink so much they get fired, or parents who yell constantly at their kids. Just because it's 100% their issue and not yours doesn't mean that people who refuse to accept that behavior don't understand that. or that it's not a big deal.[/quote]

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