Reply to AITA: no longer sending pictures

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, there is more to the story and we don't know it.  We are only getting your side.

You said this started earlier this year when you asked for child support modifications. What was the situation prior to that?  Your implication is his inattention to his child is because of money.  I am not buying that.

"why the heck am I putting forth all of this effort for an immature man-child who can't even have a civil conversation/text/email exchange solely regarding our child?"

Part of the communication equation is YOU. If your conversations with him are not civil, then you need to own up to your part in it.  And as a reminder, the effort isn't for YOU ... it's for your child.

The most important thing a divorced parent can do is foster the child's relationship with the other parent. Your son needs to have his father as a presence in his life.

[/quote]

I never said that he was inattentive to our child because of money. Money was the catalyst for him not communicating directly with me. His level of contact with DC declined when he moved out of state and has stayed inconsistent for the last few years. Every single time he floats into town I make DC available to him. I encourage DC to return his calls and message him back (he often calls/messages DC during the school day...). I buy the birthday cards that DC sends to him. I buy the Christmas gifts that DC wants to send to him.  When DC has a school or camp event or performance, I (until now) ensured that although he had access to all of the information to participate, that he got specific links and information. I sent him pictures that if he were more active or planned better, he could be taking himself.

I'm exhausted.

I am INCREDIBLY civil. Mainly because DC is listening (little elephants have big ears) and it's important to me that I not interfere in the way that DC feels about him. That relationship will strengthen or weaken without me. That's up to them.
I understand the tight line where I could become a problem in their relationship, but if I keep enabling him, will he ever change to be a better dad for DC?

[/quote]

Some men are just childish and resentful. I have a friend whose husband cheated and then got mad when she filed for divorce and has been punishing her ever since. He expected her to keep him updated on everything so he could participate in what he wanted at his convenience, and if she somehow missed something, he lit into her. She started doing everything through their lawyers and gave the schools his email so he got everything she did and she checked out. Never badmouthed him to the kids or anything, but stopped taking his abuse (and that’s what it is). Trying to get under your skin, still.

You need one of those custody apps, where you both can add info and it gets shared with the other parent. Stop facilitating his visits through family. Have the school email him any info that goes out to parents. But I would skip sending the photos etc. of things you guys do. If your child asks for some he can send via KM, then give to him to do it. [/quote]

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